Barry Saucepan and the Ugly Rock
by Long live the pickles
Summary: COMPLETED! It's Harry Potter one just twisted up and tipped upside down! New crazy characters! Random Happenings! Good, if you have an unusual sense of humor! C'mon! Come read and review! I LOVE REVIEWERS! R8d T because I have a swearing problem
1. Meeting Strange People

Author Note: I changed the year students start to 13! Other than that mostly based on Harry Potter - own nothing!

**Barry Saucepan and the Ugly Rock**

**Chapter one: Meeting Strange People**

Concentrating deeply on the brick barrier between 9 and 10, Barry Sausepan wished for platform 9 3/4 to appear. It was now five to eleven and he was in a panic...He was supposed to be catching his train to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from platform 9 3/4, which unfortunately didn't seem to exist.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to get onto the platform?"

Barry turned and came face to face with a girl about the same height as him, with long black hair and a pale face.

"I don't know how to get onto the platform..."

The girl rolled her eyes, adjusted her shoulder bag, put a blasting headphone in her ear and blew a stray lock of hair from her face, amazingly all at the same time.

"Muggle born?"

"Not really..." Barry replied nervously patting his messy hair. The girl gasped, noticing his odd wishbone scar on his forehead,

"You're Barry Sausepan!"

"Yea..."

"I know all about you! You're in heaps of books! Not really my kind of books...Needs vampires...But still! Your famous!" The girl gasped again, "I'm so sorry! Of course you wouldn't know how to get onto the platform! Now what you do is, run straight at that brick barrier, saying as many swear words as you can think of..." she said pointing at the barrier between 9 and 10.

"Swear words?"

"Yea you know...Like fuc-"

"Yea, I know what they are, but why?"

The girl shrugged,

"Dunno, but that's what Bob said...but then again Mumbob was laughing, so he may have been joking..."

"Bob?"

"Never mind, my name's Lemo," Lemo said offering Barry her hand, Barry shook it rather warily.

"Nice to meet you...Lemo..."

"Same here! Now off u go Saucey!" She said giving him a gentle push in the barrier's dirrection.

"Can you go first?"

"Ha! No way, I'm just as worried as you are about the whole running-into-a-brick-wall thing."

"Great," Barry muttered to himself. Barry turned his heavy trolley to face the brick barrier, then with a deep breath he put all his weight behind pushing his trolley. Soon he was gathering speed and the barrier was getting closer and closer. Squeezing his eyes shut in terror, Barry braced himself for the collision - only it didn't come.

"What the - ?"

"Welcome to Platform 9 and 3/4! Hogwarts? Eleven o'clock? First year? This way!" An odd looking witch with wild purple hair took Barry's trolley and pushed it beside a long train with Hogwart Express written on the front. The witch lifted Barry's heavy trunk with ease and threw it in the nearest carriage.

"Now dear, go find yourself a seat," she said giving him a hug, before rushing off to help another girl who came through the barrier.

'Everyone here is totally nuts...' Barry thought to himself.

He was just about to get onto the train when a girl and her mother argueing caught his eye. Most people were watching them, but they didn't seem to notice.

"Andy, how many times have I told you?! Don't put your wand in your pocket!"

"You told me not to put it in my _jeans_ pocket!"

"That's not the point!" The mother screeched, "The chest pocket of a t-shirt isn't a good idea either! Would you want something else blasted off!"

"_Mum_..."

"Well, if you come back home with one breast, then don't come crying to me! Have a good time at school sweetheart," The mother said capturing her daughter who was several inches taller than her, into a hug.

"Bye, Mum!"

Barry quickly looked away when the girl turned and skipped along the train before stopping beside Barry, who was standing in front of a door to a carriage.

"Y-ello!" The girl said saluting and grinning. The girl was tall with brown hair and unusual purple eyes. Her wand, Barry noticed was still in the front pocket of her jacket.

"Hi...?"

"First year?"

"Yea, you're...Third year?"

"Nope! First year too!" The girl laughed, "I'm Andy Rose by the way!"

"You all have werid names..." Barry said aloud, immediately he looked shocked, "Sorry! I didn't mean to say that aloud!"

Andy laughed again (she seemed to do that alot),

"Nah, it's okay! My real name's Amber, but everyone calls me Andy. Who - out of interest - have you spoken to?"

"A girl named Lemo?"

At this Andy squealed,

"Lemons here!"

"Lemons?"

"Her real name is Leah Roberts...Opps! Sorry, what was your name?"

"Barry Sausepan," Barry replied, Andy squealed again,

"I know all about you! Wow! You kicked You-Know-Who's butt!"

The train whistled.

"Guess we better get on the train!" Andy said jumping on, Barry following closely behind her. As soon as the got into the carriage, Andy started muttering to herself and pointing to each compartment on the left side as she said each letter.

"P...i...c...k...l...e...P...i...e - aha! this one!" She said as she slid a compartment open, "You can join us if you like...but I think you may be the only guy and/or sane one..."

"I think I'll - "

Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed them both in.

"Argh!"

Barry found himself inside the compartment, with Lemo he had met earlier and a girl with brown hair, who seemed relatively sane compared to her friends.

"Lemo! Emo!"

"Andy!"

The girls saluted each other.

"Hello again Barry!"

"Lemo, did you have to drag the poor guy in too?"

Lemo cackled evilly,

"Oh but of course!"

"You can leave if you want..." Andy said to Barry.

"Thanks, I think I might..." he said eyeing Lemo, who was currently examining her elbow.

"Meet Smokey Joe..." she said, shoving her elbow in Andy's face.

"Met him before, Lemo," Andy sighed as she went to sit down.

"DON'T SIT THERE!"

"Why...? What's there?" Andy said bending to get a closer look at the seat.

Lemo slapped her ass,

"PDA!"

"I'm leaving..." Barry said backing out of the compartment.


	2. Riding the Hogwarts Express

**Author Note: I own nothing! The characters are either based on J.K. Rowlings Harry Potter books, or their based on my crazy friends!!! I own me so nothing 2 say there... So here another chappy! For my fab (2?) readers... AND a special thanks to my good friend Lemo who proof read it for me!!! **

**Chapter two: Riding the Hogwarts Express**

Barry made his way down the train, looking for an empty compartment. Finally he found a compartment near the end with only one person inside. Barry cautiously opened the compartment door, hoping the boy inside wasn't as crazy as the other people he had met. The boy was tall and gangly; he had flaming red hair and freckles. He was bent over a bright orange book.

"Uhh...Hi, can I sit there?" Barry asked pointing to the empty seat opposite the boy.

The boy shrugged,

"Sure."

Barry sat down. Soon he found himself looking at the boys bright orange book. It was titled 'Flying with the Chubby Canons'. On the cover were moving pictures of slightly chubby men on brooms, in bright orange robes, one was holding an oddly shaped ball. The boy noticed Barry looking at the book,

"So, which team do you support?" He asked.

"Sorry?"

"Which Quidditch team?"

"Quid-what now?"

Don looked at Barry in disbelief,

"Muggle-born?"

"Nope."

Don opened his mouth, and then closed it. Then Barry's scar caught his eye, his mouth fell open again,

"You're...Barry Saucepan?!"

"Yea..."

"Wow."

Don stared, and Barry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Suddenly a commotion outside the corridor, broke the silence. Barry - happy for the distraction - rushed to the compartment door and put his head outside. Lots more heads were appearing from inside compartments, as they all stared towards the middle of the corridor. Barry shook his head, he should have known...There in the center of it all were Andy, Lemo and Emo, floating cross-legged in the air, their heads almost brushing the ceiling. Making his way down towards them, Barry tried to avoid people staring at his scar, whispering and the occasional giggle of a girl.

"Oh! How nice of you to join us, Saucey!" Lemo exclaimed waving her wand in his direction while taking a sip of tea.

"I wasn't - " Barry began, before feeling his feet leave the ground, "Oh. Crap."

Andy broke into a fit fill of giggles then flipped upside down, spilling her tea.

"Sorry, about Lemo, Barry. There's no controlling them," Emo said throwing a side ways glance at the forward rolling Andy.

"Now what is going on here?" A voice said from behind Barry.

Andy flipped over and spun around, to face the speaker. Meanwhile, Barry struggled to control his movement. Luckily for Emo and Lemo, they were facing the right way. The voice was from a girl with large front teeth and bushy brown hair; she didn't look too amused by the floating tea-party.

"Well, I believe we're having a tea-party! Would you like to join us?" Andy said, happily reaching for her wand in her jacket pocket.

"I'd rather not," the girl replied, "and I think you're setting a bad example for first years like Barry and others."

Andy looked at the girl, her mouth open.

"Well, _I_ think you're an up-yourself little bitc-"

"What Andy _means_ to say is; she's a first year too. And it wasn't just her casting the spells, in fact it was mostly me..." Lemo said trying look guilty, but failing miserably and instead looked constipated and happy about it.

This time it was the girls mouth that dropped open,

"You can cast - but that's a complicated spell! Levitation is really hard!"

"Well - "

"Where did you learn to do that?! I'm Mione Ranger, by the way."

"Hi...Erin Parker," Emo said offering Mione her hand from the ceiling, Mione struggled to reach her hand and shook it.

"Leah Roberts."

"Amber Rose."

"Barry Sauce-"

"I know _your_ name! Recognised you immediately! I've read all about you."

"_Stalker..._" Lemo whispered to Andy loudly.

"In books?" Barry asked.

"Where else?!"

"I'm in books?" Barry said dazedly.

"Of course you are dickweed!" Lemo said while upside down, trying to drink her tea.

"Wow..."

"Well we're nearly there, everyone. So you better get changed into your robes..."

"Mione?" A feeble voice came from one of the nearby compartments.

"Coming Nicholas. Has anyone seen a toad? Nicholas's lost one."

The slowly sinking group all shook their heads.

"Bugger!" Mione said before turning on her heel and going inside the compartment Nicholas's head had disappeared into.

"Wow, she was weird," Lemo said shaking her head.

Barry raised his eyebrows.

"What?! We're not weird!" Emo protested.

Barry looked at her. Then looked at Andy, who was polishing her wand on her jeans, sparks flying and then at Lemo who was muttering to her elbow again.

"Never mind..." Erin muttered.

XXXX

Back in the compartment with Don, the pair changed into their robes, Don gushing about the rules and positions in Quidditch.

"...And then there's the seeker - He plays with the snitch - He catches it and the games over and the seeker earns his team 150 points…And-"

"We have now reached Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please leave your belongings as you exit the train, I hope you enjoyed your journey on the Hogwarts express."

(A/N yea, I know there's no voice over on the Hogwarts Express, but _something_ had to shut Don up...)

"We're here!" Don gasped; the boys exchanged a nervous glance.

"C'mon, let's go..." Barry said shakily, reaching for the compartment door, but before he could do so, the door burst open.

"So, it's true then, Barry Saucepan has come to Hogwarts!" A boy with a pointed white face stood in the doorway, with a sadistic sneer on his face, behind him stood what looked like his body guards. Both looked tall, strong and stupid.

"Obviously..." Don muttered, the boy turned to glare at Don.

"No need to ask who you are, horrible red hair, freckles and a second hand robe: you're a Weasel. As for me, I'm Dracola, Dracola Malfoy. And this is Boyle and Cray. You will come to see Saucepan, some wizarding families are better than others," Dracola looked meaningfully at Don, and then held out his hand for Barry to shake, "I can help you there."

"Actually, I think I can tell for myself," Barry replied coldly, shoving Dracola's hand out of the way, and then stepping out into the corridor.

"Coming Don?"

"Right behind you Barry," Don said with a triumphant smile on his face, he waved teasingly at Dracola's sidekicks.


	3. Crossing the Lake

**Hello, my friends! I bring chapter! (Ha, like most of you care sniff) Oh well! I write for myself!**

**Chapter three: Crossing the Lake**

Barry and Don jumped off the train, down onto gravel. It was a warm night with a full moon lighting their path. Somewhere ahead a call came,

"Firs' years! Firs' years!"

Following the voice the boys found an extremely tall man, with wild hair and beard and twinkling black eyes.

"Now, follow me!" he said when all the first years had gathered round.

The man led them down a narrow twisting path until they came to the edge of a large lake, sparkling in the moon light. A row of little boats lined the shoreline, bobbing slightly.

"Okay, four to a boa'! No pushing now..."

Barry got into a boat with Don, Mione and Nicholas, while everyone tried to stay clear of the boat with Lemo, Andy and Emo. Mostly because Andy and Lemo were singing loudly (and rather poorly I might add) 'A Mad Tea Party' from the muggle film 'Alice in Wonderland', Emo who was quite obviously used to this, was looking up at the star streaked sky, while the girl, who ended up having to share their boat watched them with a look of terror on her face.

"Bonkers," Don said gently easing himself down onto a boat seat.

"What?"

"Those two," Don said indicating to Andy and Lemo.

"They were having a tea party in the air on the train," Nicholas said.

"Well, their definitely unusual…"

The journey across the lake was a calm one, with the boats directing themselves. Within moments they were able to see the breath-taking view of the castle, light up by hundreds of lights. Everyone was transfixed by how pretty the castle was, until a splash broke the silence. Barry didn't even need to turn around to see who had fallen in; he heard the now familiar hysterical laughter of Andy and Lemo.

"Shit!"

"You evil bitches! We're going to The Sorting! We can't go in there looking like we've been in a one cloud thunderstorm!"

Andy and Lemo laughed harder and started to sing 'Why does it always rain on me?', when suddenly Andy went quiet,

"Something just grabbed me!"

"What!" Emo was now in a nervous panic, the girl muttered "Oh fuck" and even Lemo went pale, then all three girls started shrieking. Andy cracked up again.

"You son of a-"

"You bullshitter!"

"I don't think I'm a bullshitter, 'cause I swear you guys looked like you just shit your pants…"

"Oka', Oka'. I thin' tha' enough you three..." The tall man said, lifting them each out of the water and back into their boat. "You 'ill haf to dry yerself, for The Sortin'. Get one ov the teac'ers to do it for ya..."

"Thanks Hagrid, I can take them from here," said a stern looking witch, talking to the tall man.

"No prob'em Profess'r," Hagrid replied before walking on ahead, through to the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall turned to face the first years,

"Now students, you are about to be - what happened to you four?"

Lemo, Emo, Andy and the girl all exchanged guilty looks, all too scared to reply.

"Well...?"

"We fell in..." Andy replied bravely.

"Not to worry Miss! Moine was jus about to dry us off! Weren't you Mione?" Mione, who looked startled at the mention of her name, shuffled forward. Quickly she muttered a drying spell and stepped back, flushing a wild shade of pink.

"Well done, Miss Ranger!" Professor McGonagall said giving Mione a rare smile, "Now where was I? Oh yes, you are all about to be sorted, try and cleans yourself up a bit." Then she turned on her heel and walked through the doors to the Great Hall.

Barry attempted to pat down his hair, as Don scrubbed his face. Andy, Barry noticed was trying to comb her hair with her wand. The first years waited in a disturbing silence, which suddenly was broken by singing - yet again, "Travelling in a fried out combie...don dun, on a hippie trail head full of zombie! Met a strange- HOLY FUCKING HELL!" Lemo's and Andy's singing suddenly broke off, and they clung together and screamed. Three ghosts just floated through a nearby wall, they seemed to be arguing about something-or someone.

"My dead friend, Head-Nearly-Falling-Off-Neck Nick, I believe we have given Peas enough chances...Oh! What do we have here?" The ghost that had been speaking was rather plump and wore old fashioned clothes with ruffles.

"I do believe these are the new first years, Friar!" said Head-Nearly-Falling-Off-Neck Nick, who was also dressed in old colourless clothes.

"Jolly good! Waiting to be sorted I suppose? Hope your in Hufflepuff! My old house you know! I'm Friar Tuck and these are my fellow ghosts; Head-Nearly-Falling-Off-Neck Nick of Gryfindor and darling Dead Dianna of Ravenclaw!"

"I thought there were four houses?" Lemo asked, slowly getting over the shock of ghosts. When she said this however the Friar ignored her and floated through the opposite wall.

"Hey! I asked a question!" Lemo exclaimed in protest.

"Oi! Ghosty get your see through arse back here!" Andy called.

"Rude..." said the girl who had come across in the boat with Lemo, Emo and Andy.

"I'll say! Opps! Sorry what's your name?"

"Brooke."

Just then Professor McGonagall came back,

"We're ready for you..."


	4. The Sorting

**Warning: Scene contains bad singing and equally bad song, Parental Guidance Recommended...**

**Chapter four: The Sorting**

Professor McGonagall led the nervous first years out into the Great Hall.

"Now, line up here," she ordered, immediately the first years formed two lines. Don stood in front of Barry, while he heard Lemo behind him muttering,

"Some bastard bumped Smokey Joe, Andy!"

"Poor Lemo..."

"Poor Smokey Joe, you mean!"

"Never mind Smokey Joe...We'll earn revenge for him later...Hot guy, ten o'clock..."

Barry tried to tune out Andy's findings as he tried to settle his nerves, which were sky rocketing. Just then Professor McGonagall appeared back into the Great Hall with an old wizard hat and a wooden stool. She then put down the stool in front of the four house tables and lay the hat on top. Everyone in the hall turned and looked at the hat, when suddenly a rip near the brim open to a mouth and it began to sing:

_"I am the Hogwarts Sorting Hat,_

_Hard decisions I have made,_

_Choosing carefully every time,_

_And never getting paid._

_I have sorted many students,_

_Not many have been wrong,_

_'Cause I know what I am doing,_

_And I have done it for so long._

_A decision is decided,_

_Judging you on who you are,_

_Whether you a humble moon,_

_Or a shining star._

_So whether it be Slytherin or a Gryffindor_

_Perhaps a Hufflepuff,_

_Or even Ravenclaw,_

_I can tell where you to go,_

_When maybe you don't know!"_

When the Sorting Hat finished its song, it went limp and everyone applauded.

"When I call your name, come forward and sit on the stool...Anderson, Sean!"

A boy near the front walked slowly and nervously to the stool, looking slightly green. Professor McGonagall dropped the hat on his and it fell over his panic stricken eyes. It was silent except for the hat, which was muttering into Sean's ear. After what seemed like five minutes, the hat bellowed,

"RAVENCLAW!"

Sean relaxed as McGonagall took the hat off his head and he walked towards the now cheering Ravenclaw table.

The sorting hat seemed to take awhile to decided sometimes, while other times he barely had to touch the students head before it yelled out their house, like when Dracola Malfoy went up, the hat immediately shouted, "SLYTHERIN!"

"McPea, Brooke," McGonagall said.

Brooke walked up to the stool attempting to look brave. The hat came down over her eyes and after a moment of the thinking...

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Meadow, Jesse..."

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Parker, Erin..."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Parkinson, Pansy..."

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Ranger, Mione..."

Mione hobbled up to the stool, fingers crossed and shaking like a leaf, the hat dropped over her pale face.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Roberts, Leah..."

Lemo, not used to her real name just stood there looking at the hat.

"Roberts, Leah!"

"Lemo, your Leah!"

"Roberts, Leah?"

"Shit! Good point there Andy!" Lemo strolled over casually to the stool and popped herself down. McGonagall dropped the hat on her head,

"Hmm. Dark."

"GRYFINDOR!"

"Woooot!" Lemo cried out, before cartwheelling to the Gryffindor, earning an ethusiastic applause.

McGonagall silently cursed, there was hope, maybe she wouldn't get both of the weird ones...

"Rose, Amber..."

Andy wrinkled her nose in disgust at the mention of her real name and marched up to the stool, sat down and crossed her legs. McGonagall put the hat on her head,

"Wow, do you wash this thing? It really smells like crap in here..."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Andy skipped off to join Emo and Lemo.

_Oh fuck! That bloody hat has it in for me! Giving me both of them! SHIT! _McGonagall thought.

"Saucepan, Barry..."

The Great Hall broke out into whispers and all tried to look at Barry as he sat down on the stool. The last thing he saw as the hat fell over his eyes were a number of people trying to lean over to get a better look at him, then his head was filled with the voice of the hat.

"_Hmmm...Tricky, tricky! Brains I see...Courage too...and a thirst...yes there's pumpkin judice with dinner so that will fix that up...You want to prove your self...I think I shall put you in..._

GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor, erupted with cheers, the biggest of the night, as Barry got up and walked over to the Gryffindor table. When the cheers finally calm down, McGonagall finished the names, now there were only three people left; Nicholas, Don and other boy who was tall and had dark hair.

"Shortbottom, Nicholas..."

"Wonder what house he'll be in!" Andy said excitedly, "I hope he's in Gryffindor!"

Barry turned to face Andy who was sitting opposite him,

"Who? Nicholas? Don?"

"Don? Is he the one with dark hair?"

"Nope, he the one with red hair."

"Oh. Not him then..."

"She thinks the dark haired one's hot! I see why..." Lemo said, looking at the boy critically.

"I think he's average," Emo said eyeing him too.

"C'mon guys! The guy is totally hot!"

Barry, yet again tried to block out the girls, as he watched a terrified Nicholas waiting for the hat to decide. It seemed to be really taking it's time on Nicholas, _Poor guy _Barry thought.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Watson, Andrew..."

The guy Andy thought was hot, stepped forward and sat down on the stool.

"Oh my god!" Andy said looking shocked, to the point of hyperventilating or at least crying, while Emo and Lemo started cracking up laughing.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! He can't be called Andrew! NO! That's such a common boring name! NO! He can't! That means he can be called Andy! _I'm _ Andy! NO!" Andy's head dropped into her hands.

The newly arrived Nicholas gave Andy a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"Thanks Nick," came a muffled reply.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Andy move over...we can make room so there's room for him to sit next to you. Maybe he doesn't like to be called Andy, so then you know..."

"Shh! Here he comes!" Emo said looking sternly at Lemo.

"Weasel, Don..."

Barry's attention snapped back to the hat, where the Don sat on the stool waiting for the hats decision.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Barry cheered loudly as Don marched over to the Gryffindor looking pleased. Don took the place next to Barry as his brothers down the table congratulated him.


	5. Always Read the Fine Print!

**_Thanks to: _****_loonygrl90,_****_ Thrown From Hell and _****_WarriorByNight_******

**Chapter five: Always Read the Fine Print!**

Sleepy and stuffed full of food, Barry and the rest of the first year Gryffidors walked slowly up to the Gryffindor common room, following one of Don's brothers, Pierce who was prefect.

Don was beside him, telling him how it was such a relief he got into Gryffindor, because all of his family (as far back as he could remember) had all been in Gryffindor. Behind he could hear Lemo and Emo whispering about how Andy had managed to sneak up to the front and was now talking with Andrew as though they had known each other all their lives. Barry rolled his eyes, it seemed if Andy wanted then she would probably get, and it seemed the same rules for Emo and Lemo. Girls like that scared him...

Finally Pierce halted in front of a large portrait of a rather plump lady,

"Password?" she asked.

"I smell like pickle," Pierce replied importantly, the Fat Lady let out a little giggle then swung open revealing a doorway which led to the common room.

Once they were all inside, Pierce showed the boys the way to their dormitories and the way to the girls. Everyone spilt off to their separate ways yawning and talking sleepily.

Barry had to share a dorm with Don, Nicholas, Andrew, Seamus Finnegan and Thomas Dean. Unfortunately for the dorm Don snored, but after some desperate searching in their school books, Nicholas managed to find a sound proofing spell to put around Don's bed. After high-fiving each other the boys all said good-night and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

The next morning, Barry woke to Don banging (silently) on an invisible wall around his bed. The only other boy awake was Andrew who was flicking desperately through his school book,

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..."

"Andrew, what's going on?"

"Shit! Didn't know anyone else was awake..."

"Sorry, what's going on?" Barry repeated.

"The spell. We cast. Fucking. Created. A wall. Around. Don's bed. And I can't find a bloody counter-curse! FUCK!" He slammed his book shut and glared at it.

"We'll have to go find help, a teacher maybe?"

"Yea probably a good idea..."

"Does Don know what's going on?"

"Yea wrote it down and put it up against the wall, so he could read it."

Barry looked around and noticed some of Andrew's parchment, quills and ink were spread out around the place. Andrew grabbed a blank piece of parchment and a near by quill and wrote:

_Going to get help._

_Be Right Back!_

He shoved the paper against the wall, so Don could read. Don read it and nodded and sat down on the bed with a defeated look on his face.

"C'mon, let's go!" Andrew said rushing out the door, his long legs carried him out the door and down the stairs before Barry even got to the door.

"Hey! Slow down Andrew!"

When Barry got down to the common room Andrew said a casual "Sup!" to Andy who was at the window taking a letter from a snowy white owl.

"Heya!" Andy replied waving. Then she noticed Barry's worried expression,

"Hey, what's going on?"

"We cast a sound proofing spell on Don's bed and-"

Andy groaned,

"You _didn't_!"

"Uh...we did?"

"Aww... crap guys!" She sighed, and then clicked her tongue; the owl flew onto her shoulder,

"Hang on, I can't remember the counter-curse, but Emo knows I'll go wake her up…" Andy disappeared up the girls' dorm stairs. Minutes later a rather ruffled and pissed off Emo came down the stairs, followed by Andy.

"You dumbshits cast a sound proof spell and didn't read the fine print? How fucking thick do you get?"

"We..." Barry began; he thought Emo wasn't being fair.

"Never mind...You know now..." she said yawning, "Lead the way..."

Barry took the lead and showed Emo the way to the dorm, followed from afar by Andy who was trying to read her letter, while Andrew who was muggle-born was spell bound by how tame the snowy owl was, who was happily perching on Andy's shoulder.

"I can put her on your shoulder if you like..."

"I dunno...I mean..."

Ignoring Andrew's protests Andy clicked her tongue and tapped Andrew on the shoulder. Obediently the owl jumped onto his shoulder.

"Now don't lean like you crippled...just walk normally...No _normally_!" Andy said laughing.

Now inside the boys' dorm Emo took one look and Don and felt sorry for him, he couldn't help that he snored and now he's prisoner in his own bed. All because of the idiots who didn't read the bloody fine print. Emo cast the counter-curse; Don jumped off his bed and threw arms around Emo,

"You're a Genius! Thank you!"

Emo grinned,

"No problem. Now if you guys don't mind, I'm going to go back to bed..."


	6. When the Potions Master’s a Bastard

**Chapter six: When the Potions Master's a Bastard…**

Down at breakfast that morning, Barry helped himself to several pieces of bacon, watching Don and Thomas arguing over which was better; Quidditch or Football. Down the table Lemo and Emo were attempting to catch pieces of French toast in their mouths, while Andy was trying to convince Nicholas that today's classes wouldn't be torture for him. Barry swallowed,

"We have our first classes today?"

"Yepo, the timetables are coming soon!"

"Crap," Barry muttered putting more bacon into his mouth.

"First...Herbiology with the Hufflepuffs..." Don muttered, "Greenhouse one..."

"Which one's that?" Barry asked.

"No idea mate..."

"Shall we go and investigate?"

"Yea, if we're lucky we'll find the right one straight away..."

"Knowing our luck, it'll be the last one we look in!" Barry said laughing.

Lucky enough the pair found the right greenhouse straight away. Their teacher, Professor Sprout was a down to earth witch, with twigs through her wild grey hair. She was friendly and more than willing to give anyone extra help. Surprisingly Nicholas was a natural at Herbiology and Professor Sprout took an immediate liking to him. On the other hand Andy hated putting her hands into the dirt with magical roots and bulbs and for some reason seemed relatively scared.

"My great aunt, she got killed by the cry of a mandrake," she said rather tearfully as Professor Sprout patted her on the back.

"Hey, I'll re-pot Andy's bulbs!" Nicholas said happily, taking Andy pot and shovel and started re-pot the bulbs.

Next period the Gryffindor first years had charms with Ravenclaws, Professor Flitwick was a very short wizard who had to perch on top of several books to be able to see over his desk. Today they were practising firing things around the room using only their wands.

"Remember, swish and flick!" Professor Flitwick squeaked, watching very few pillows flying around the room. It seemed charms was more of a subject for Andy as the sent the pillows flying around, quite often she made them bang into Lemo or Emo on the head.

"Hey watch it would ya?" Emo said, getting extremely pissed at her motionless pillow, "Move you piece of shit!"

Mione was another one who was sending her pillow flying into the box at the front of the class with ease. Emo watched with envy,

"How the fuck do you do that!"

Mione shrugged,

"Concentration."

"Concentration my ass..." Lemo muttered.

"No, it's all about skill, darlings!" Andy said with a laughing, making the box at the front of the room jump up into the air.

"Miss Rose! Please lower the box!" Flitwick squeaked, jumping up and down on his pile of books.

"Sorry sir!" Andy answered blushing slightly.

Barry looked down at his still pillow, silently cursing it, to his right Don was in the same situation, while to his left Andrew made his pillow rise several feet, and then let it drop again. Then Andrew looked over at Andy,

"Hey, Amber, do you think you could help me? I can't make my pillow do anything!"

Barry gave Andrew a surprised glance, Andrew raised a finger to his lips and looked over at Andy once more.

"Sure! Hang on a second..."

After morning tea, Barry had Potions. Barry had heard a lot about the potions master, many said he favoured his own house, Slytherin, Barry and Don would find out if this was true, because they had potions with Slytherins. Potions took place in the dark, cold dungeons under the school. Rows of tables were set up all facing the front with large cauldrons beside them; candles flickered feebly on the table tops. The class sat in nervous silence, waiting for Professor Snape to make an appearance. The only people speaking were Dracola Malfoy and co. who was sniggering at floating objects on the shelves above them. With a bang the dungeon door flew open and Snape strolled briskly up to the front of the class,

"There will be no foolish wand waving or anything of the sort in my class. Not many of you will appreciate the delicate art of potion brewing. Not many will be able to succeed in this class. And because there is barely any wand waving, many of you wouldn't consider this magic. But-" Snape broke off when he spotted Barry near the writing everything he said on a piece of parchment, completely oblivious, Barry waited, quill raised for Snape to continue. Don kicked him and Barry looked up.

"Barry Saucepan, our new celebrity," Snape sneered, while Malfoy and other Slytherins tried not to laugh.

"Yes sir?"

"Saucepan, what would I get if I mixed eye of newt and toe of frog?"

Behind Barry, he heard Mione gasp and the sound of her hand shooting up into the air.

"If you mixed eye of newt and toe of frog..." Barry said slowly trying to buy himself more time, "You would have a very mixed up animal?" he finished hopefully.

"Oh wonderful. We have a comedian," Snape said sarcastically, "We'll try again; what's the difference between monkshood and wolfbane?"

"I don't know sir..."

"Pity. Where would you go if I asked you to find me a bezoar?

"I don't know sir..."

In front of him, he heard Andy cough,

"_Goat!_"

"Not amusing Rose, five points from Gryffind-"

"Sir! That is not fair! She had asthma, she can't help coughing can she?"

"Another ten points from Gryffindor, five because Saucepan here is stupid and five because of your cheek, Roberts."

Andy went to open her mouth, but Don gave her a sharp kick from behind and mouthed, "Snape can get nasty."

Snape smiled a cruel smile,

"For your information, Saucepan; if you mixed eye of newt and toe of frog you would create a silencing potion, monkshood and wolfbane they are the same plant, which also goes by the name aconite, as for a bezoar, you'll find that in the stomach of a goat - Why aren't you all writing this down?" Within second the room was filled with the sound of scratching quills and rustling parchment, "And I'd recommend Saucepan, you take a look at you copy of _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_..."

On their way to Defence against the Dark Arts, everyone tried to cheer Barry up.

"C'mon Saucey! Andy and I lost Gryffindor some points too and we're surviving!"

"But, Andy earned Gryffindor ten points in charms!"

"So that covers her ass, but what about mine?"

"But it does cover yours, she earned _ten_ points!"

'Hey, Barry don't worry about it! I'll cover yours and Lemo's ass and then mine can be the uncovered ass!" Andy said laughing.

"Thanks," Barry said smiling.

"No problem!" Andy replied before skipping ahead to Defence against the Dark Arts.

Defence against the Dark Arts, Barry had been looking forward to most of all, but by the end of the lesson it turned out was a bit of a dud. The teacher, Professor Quirrell, spent most of the lesson telling the class a whole lot of bullshit about how he had been given the ugly turban he was wearing by an African prince, because he had rid his town of vampires. But when Lemo had asked eagerly how he had gotten rid of the vampires he ignored her. Another annoying thing about Quirrell was he tended to stutter terribly as he spoke, which after an hour of him talking it really started to piss you off. By the time they let out to go to lunch everyone was relieved, especially because Quirrell's classroom stunk of onion. His turban didn't smell too fresh either...

Last class of all was the most boring by far; History of Magic. The teacher, Professor Bines was an old man when he died in front of the staffroom fire, but being dead didn't stop Bines from rising every morning and coming to teach History of Magic. The whole hour he droned on and on about the history of house elves and Emeric the Evil and other random old dudes with odd names.

Professor McGonagall was their transfiguration teacher. The first thing she did when they entered the class was turn one of the tables in a pig and then back again. Afterwards, once everyone was excited she then told them that if anyone was to muck around in her class, they wouldn't come back. She then put everyone into randomly chosen pairs, Barry found himself paired up with Lemo. Then she handed everyone a match, which everyone had to try and turn into a needle. Only Emo and Mione managed to make a difference to their match, both matches had gone grey and had a slight point. Andy and Andrew managed to set their matches on fire, Nicholas and Thomas made no change and Barry was entertained by Lemo's attempts, which ended in her saying rather huffily, "I'd like to see you do better, pigboy..."


	7. Wake up to a Notice & a Bit of Potions

**Chapter seven: Wake up to a Notice and a Bit of Potions Homework**

The next day the Gryffindors woke to find an announcement on the common room notice board. First one's to read the notice was Andy and Andrew. The pair had woken early so Andy could help Andrew with the first lot of homework set. Andrew claimed he didn't get any of it, Andy offered to help and she didn't have time last night so she help him that morning. Anyway, Andy's tutoring aside...the notice on the notice board read:

_Attention First years:_

_Your flying lesson will be held today, by Madam Hooch._

_Heads of Houses will be observing the lessons and will choose _

_students for the first year Quidditch team._

_Quidditch teams will be decided by the Heads of Houses and possibly_

_captains of other teams. Their decision will be final and **they **will be choosing the position you play._

_Hufflepuff First Period_

_Gryffindor Second Period_

_Slytherin Fourth Period_

_Ravenclaw Fifth Period_

_Have Fun!_

"Yay!" Andy squealed, jumping up and down.

"Yay?" Andrew said eyeing the notice nervously, "I would prefer keeping both feet on the ground thanks..."

"Aww! You can't be serious! Flying is so fun!"

"Have you flown before?"

"Well no," Andy admitted, "But my dad used to and he said flying is the best feeling ever. Bastard wouldn't let me fly though..."

Andrew laughed but still felt nervous.

"Andrew, you'll be fine! Remember a lot of people wouldn't have flown before - like me - and you're not even expected to be good. You don't have to get into a team!"

"True..."

"Now, shall we start?"

"Guess so," Andrew said smiling, the butterflies in his stomach slowly calmed themselves.

As Andy explained every question on their potions homework, slowly people started coming down from the dorms, stretching and yawning. Barry was one of the first,

"Morning guys," he said sleepily.

"Morning Barry!" Andy said distractedly,

"Good morning Barry," Andrew mumbled to the potions book, looking confused.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Saucey, what the fuck does it look like their doing?" The three turned around to see Lemo standing at the foot of the girls dorm stairs, "I mean their not exa- what _are_ you guys doing?"

"You know how dodgy that conversation sounds from here?" Said a sleepy Don making his way over to the table.

Andy sighed in frustration,

"I'm trying to help Andrew with the potions homework we were set! So would everyone just piss off for a second!"

"We had potions homework!" Lemo cried.

"Opps...we did, didn't we?"

"Oh yea..."

"FUCK!" Barry, Don and Lemo all cried, before they all dashed back up to their rooms to fetch their books.

"Also, guys we have our flying lesson today!" Andy called after them.

Somewhere to the left and up they heard a,

"WOOOOOOT!" from Lemo, then a

"LEMO! I swear I'll fucking beat the shit out of you! You know I love my sleep!" From Emo, then they heard a muffled,

"Why don't you all just fuck up?"

After Barry finished his potions homework, he went down to breakfast. It was late, but maybe if he was lucky he could get a piece of toast. On his way through the door that leads to the Great Hall, he managed to bump into Dracola Malfoy, Boyle and Cray.

"Well, well. What do we have here? A late sleeper? Does poor Saucepanny need his sleep?"

"Just move it Malfoy."

"Oh! Not very friendly..."

"What part of move it don't you get Malfoy?"

Barry turned and faced Emo; he forgot she liked to sleep in…

"Oh! Got yourself a girlfriend have you Saucepan? Thought you would have gone for the tall one or the Goth, more your style. Got some screws loose, they have. But then again I think the tall one is taken to that other tall freak..."

"Andrew?" Emo asked curiously.

"Something like that, ghastly common muggle name - like Barry..." Boyle and Cray sniggered.

"Oh that's so sweet, you've trained your baboons to snigger at your pathetic jokes!" Andy said giving Malfoy a sugary sweet smile. Malfoy jumped and looked up at Andy, Andy was several inches taller than him.

"Andy! That's not very nice! Baboons are kind and intelligent creatures, I don't think they would appreciate being compared to those two!" Lemo chimed in

"Guess we got you surrounded Malfoy, so you better bugger o-" Andy began,

"I hope we're playing nicely children..." Snape sneered.

"Oh of course Professor!" Andy replied cheerily, "Please excuse my friend and I, Dracola!" Andy and Lemo passed Malfoy then skipped off down the corridor.

"Idiots," Snape said, then pushed through the doorway, followed by Emo and Barry as they hurried to get some breakfast.


	8. Flying? Nah uh

**Chapter eight: Flying? Nah-uh...**

"Welcome first year gryffindors, to your first flying lesson! I am your instructor today, Madam Hooch! Now-"

"Morning Madam Hooch!" Lemo and Andy chorused. Madam Hooch looked startled, but smiled all the same,

"Thank-you girls! Now you all have brooms, I want you to stand on the left side of the broom."

Everyone stepped forward, Mione, Nicholas and Andrew most nervous of all.

"Good, now put your hand over the broom and say 'up'! With feeling!"

"UP!" everyone cried.

Emo's, Barry's, Andy's, Lemo's, Andrew's and few others flew up into their hands. Nicholas's rolled over and over, Don's flew up and hit him in the nose, while Moine's laid stock still.

"Crap," Mione muttered gently tapping the broom with her foot.

Sitting a little way away from the first years, McGonagall took notes, watching the first year flyers carefully. Madam Hooch was now showing them how to mount their brooms; McGonagall was surprised at how many naturals there were amongst them. What surprised her even more was that maybe - just maybe - it wasn't such a burden having Lemo and Andy in Gryffindor, even though they were total nutters. As for Barry, she knew from the start he was going to be brilliant.

As McGonagall continued her note taking, Madam Hooch was in the middle of telling the first years how to take off,

"Now, I want you to push off from the ground, hover for a few seconds, and then come back down again. On my whistle...three...two-"

Out of pure terror of being left on the ground, Nicholas pushed off hard from the ground. Rising quickly into the air, Nicholas went pale with fright.

"Come back down boy!"

"I...don't...know...how!" Nicholas gasped. Suddenly Nicholas was whizzing through the air, with no idea how to control his broom. Madam Hooch whipped out her wand in an attempt to bring Nicholas back to the ground. Nicholas's broom suddenly went flying off towards the dark forest, moving too fast for a wand to follow. Without much thought Andrew, Seamus, Barry and Don took off the ground and went after him, going at amazing speeds. Watching them speed off, Superman rips off his disguise and flies after th-

Just kidding. This is Barry Saucepan! Not Louis and Clark... (And may we remind all cell phones are to be switched off...) Anyway... McGonagall watched them speed past overhead, almost passing out, by how well they flew _and _how dangerous it would be if one of them fell.

_'Their first years! A few of them are muggleborn! - It would be their first time on a broom, they shouldn't know how to fly!' _she thought.

Gathering to deadly speeds, Seamus and Don pulled back, while Andrew and Barry kept going. They had almost caught up with Nicholas, when he finally lost grip of his broom. Barry dived to catch Nicholas, while Andrew ripped a branch from a nearby tree top and whacked the broom, sending it back accurately towards the castle. The broom ran out of steam just above Hooch, stopped and fell at her feet, Hooch's mouth dropped open and looked at Andrew's flying figure disappear into the treetops.

At the time Andrew hit the broom, Barry dived into the carpet of green tree tops. Branches grabbed at his cloak as he dived. About three feet from the ground, Barry pulled up his broom catching Nicholas; the broom dropped a foot under the weight of the impact.

"Think you need to lose some weight, Nick!" Barry joked, but Nicholas had fainted.

A worried McGonagall and Hooch rushed into the forest, closely followed by Andy, Lemo and Emo - (not under McGonagall's permission...)

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Are they okay! Drew! Barry! Nick! GUYS! You alive!" Andy yelled rushing ahead into the Forbidden Forest.

"Amber Rose! Come back! Madam Hooch and I must go in first!"

"If Saucepan did catch Shortbottom, I do believe Minerva, you have a seeker...As for Watson, he beat the hell out of the broom and his aim was amazing...Beater?"

"I don't think it's the time..."

"It's always the time to talk about Quid-"

"DREW! You're alive!" Lemo cried as a rather ruffled, but still alive Andrew came into view.

"Your scared the shit out of me!" Andy said throwing her arms around him crying, "Is Barry and Nick okay?" she asked tearfully.

"She gets emotional in these situations," Emo said rolling her eyes, "...doesn't take bad luck well..."

Andrew patted Andy on the shoulder, slightly embarrassed,

"Yep, Barry and Nick are okay, Nick out cold though..."

"Thank god!" McGonagall said relaxing a little, "Where are they?"

Back a bit, I'll show you…"

Peeling Andy off him (who was still sobbing uncontrollably out of relief) and put an arm around her,

"C'mon Amber get a hold of yourself!" he said trying to joke as he led them back into the forest. Finally Barry came into view with Nicholas lying nearby, looking pale.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, HE'S DEAD!" Andy cried, before she passed out. Luckily Andrew and Lemo caught her before she fell onto tree roots and mud.

"No, he's not dead. Passed out while he was falling - I think," Barry replied calmly.

"Watson, let Parker help carry Rose. I think your strength will be needed more for Shortbottom...he a looks tad on the heavy side…"


	9. Time goes on

**Chapter nine: Time goes on...**

Nicholas spent three days in the hospital wing - not because he was ill, but because he was mentally traumatised. As for Andy, after an hour of protesting, Madam Pompfrey let her go. Soon the story got around the school, each recount as crazy as the last. Some said that Andrew hit Andy over the head with his broom; while others claimed Barry pushed Nicholas off his broom. Others said that Emo and Lemo fought off werewolves, while Andrew and Barry told centaurs where to shove it...

Months at the castle sped by, and soon it began to feel like home to Barry and the others. On clear days Lemo could be seen at the waters edge, trying to coax the giant squid out of the water, while 95 of the time Andy and Andrew were in the library, with Nicholas tagging along. Emo could be found in the common room with Mione, discussing Transfiguration. As for Barry and Don, they spent most of their time avoiding homework at all costs, which was rather differcult if you happened to run into Mione all the time, who was strict about completing homework.

Soon the Christmas holidays were approaching and McGonagall was going around asking who was staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. Of course Barry signed up immediately, he certainly didn't want to go back to the Dursleys in a hurry...Not many were staying behind; Andy's parents were going away for their wedding anniversary, so she was staying behind. Don's parents were going to visit Don's older brother Bill in Egypt, who worked for Gringotts the wizarding bank. And Andrew was staying behind for some reason...

**This is just a fill in chappy...I'll post the next chappy soon!**


	10. Presents all Round

**Chapter ten: Presents all Round!**

Everyone had gone home and the castle was silent. It was Christmas morning and Barry, Don and Andrew had the dorm to themselves. A pile of presents were sitting at the end of each bed. The boys had planned last night to sleep till ten but...

"Christmas bells, oh Christmas bells ringing through the land! Bringing peace to all the world and duh duh duh-uh uh! Wake-up you lot!" Andy said jumping onto Nicholas's (yes empty) bed.

"No! I don't wana go to school! Piss off!" Andrew mumbled into his sleep, he rolled over and fell off his four poster bed.

"Lucky it ain't his mum, if he gona use language like that..." Andy said cracking up, while Don and Barry leapt for their presents.

"Drew, wake-up! Presents..." Andy said running one of his presents under his nose.

"Wha'?"

"He wakes!"

"How the fuck did I get here?"

"Never mind that! Thanks for the shirt Drew! And thanks for the chocolate, Don and Barry I love the sneakoscope, but it won't stop going off..." Andy said grinning; she was wearing a pink shirt that said in glitter 'I'm not normal, I'm abnormal!' it kept flashing different colours. Andrew mumbled something about liking how it changed colours blushing furiously, then started ripping open his presents.

"Hope you guys like what I got you!" Andy chattered nervously, "I made them myself!"

Barry, Don and Andrew eyed their packages from Andy, they seemed safe, but still there was need for caution...

Barry since he opened his less presents quicker, only had three presents left to open; Andy's, Lemo's and another one, he didn't know who it was from. He had gotten chocolate frogs from Emo, some home-made fudge and a jumper from Mrs. Weasel, some odd looking beans from Don and some cool muggle jeans from Andrew. Thinking Andy's would be safer to open he started peeling the wrapping paper off. Inside was...

_Thank god it's not alive..._

It was a shirt.

"I've never used a sooooing matchine before and I did cheat a little bit..." Andy said spotting Andrew and Barry had opened their presents. Barry had an emerald green shirt that said 'I kick You-Know-Who's ass, so I can kick yours...' and Andrew's red shirt said 'Too hot to touch!'

"You think I'm hot?" Andrew asked.

Andy blushed,

"Don open yours!"

Don opened his; he had a blue shirt that said 'I have to wear blue, 'cause red clashes...'

Barry cracked up, while Andrew read it in confusion,

"Clashes with what!"


	11. A Furry Merry Christmas!

**Chapter eleven: A Furry Merry Christmas!**

All wearing their new shirts, Andy, Andrew, Don and Barry went down to Christmas breakfast in the Great Hall. On their way there they went past a large suit of armour, they could hear snoring coming from inside.

"What the fuck is in there?" Barry asked watching the armour.

"Oh my god! I thought she went home..."

"Andy, what you on about?" Don asked.

Andy didn't reply, instead she pulled her wand from her back pocket, opened the visor of the armour and peeked inside.

"Lumos," she muttered poking her wand into the armour, she jumped back in surprise.

"Am, what's u- what the hell!" Andrew said peeking inside too. Barry pushed between them and looked inside, expecting to see someone jammed into the armour, but instead he saw a large room. The room was rather plain and had a single bed in the center of the room. Lying on the bed was Lemo snoring rather loudly.

"Lemo?" Barry cried out in surprise. Lemo jerked awake,

What? Where? GET IT OFF ME!" she screamed jumping out of bed.

"She's awake, aye? Not having a sleeping fit or something?" Andrew asked unsure.

"Yea, she awake...Lemo what you doing here?"

"I'm not quite sure..."

"Tell us what you know."

"Well...I missed the train, can't remember much after that, except I woke up here. I'm stuck Andy! So I cast an enlargement spell - as you do - and made meself comfy. Would you care to join me? Or perhaps GET ME OUT!"

"Talking to armour, now are we?" drawled Malfoy from behind them. They all spun around,

"Well better them, than you!" Andy replied glaring.

"Oh, how touching..."

"Why are you here anyway? I thought you would've gone to the hell you call home for the holidays..."

"Fathers away on important ministry business," Malfoy replied superiorly.

"Ministry?" Andrew asked confused.

"Oh I forgot there was a mudblood amongst us..."

"I knew you meant the-" Andrew began, but Andy interrupted him, wand raised and shooting daggers at Malfoy,

"Say that again, Malfoy."

"Guys...? What's going on out there?" Lemo asked from inside the suit of armour.

"I said, I forgot there was a _mudblood _amongst us," Malfoy said sneering, knowing he had hit a nerve as several fists were formed and Andy's eyes flashed.

"Bastard," Andy muttered before raising her wand.

With a bang Malfoy disappeared and in his place stood a small ferret.

"Am! Shit! Note to self: never piss you off..." Andrew said staring at the ferret, trying not to laugh.

"I second that," Don said eyeing Andy with fear and awe.

"Guys...? Hello? What happened?"

Andy casually waved her wand in the direction of the armour, Lemo appeared beside them.

"Thanks Andy!" Lemo spotted the ferret, "Aw! It's so cute!"

"That's Dracola..." Andrew said smiling.

"Argh! Not so cute..." Lemo said gently nudging the ferret with her foot.

"What _is _a mudblood, Am?" Andrew asked.

"Tell you later, don't want Malfoy the Ferret, dead do we?"

"Perhaps..." Lemo replied thoughtfully.

"No," Andy replied firmly.

"Uh...Am so how long is he going to be a ferret?" Andrew asked.

"Only an hour, then he'll be his usual bastard of a self. Off to brekkie me thinks..." she said, linking arms with Andrew and Barry, while Lemo linked arms with Barry and Don.

"Yes me thinks too!" agreed Lemo.

"A furry merry Christmas to you too, Malfoy!" Andy said with a laugh, saluting to the ferret, which then scurried off in fright.


	12. Violent snowballs and Romance?

**Chapter twelve: Violent snowballs and...gasp Romance?**

When the group entered the Great Hall, it was decorated from the floor to the ceiling in fairy lights and huge real Christmas trees in each corner.

"Wow...lights..." Lemo said gazing around with her mouth open.

"Anyone got some sun glasses?" Andy said, trying to hide her eyes in Barry's shoulder, which was the right height for her.

The four house tables had been replaced with one large table, but the teachers table still remained, it seemed as though everyone who was going to eat had already come. Andy, Andrew and Don stepped forward seeing food, when a rather pickled McGonagall danced pass them. How did they know she was a tad sloshed, you ask? In her hand she held a Brandy glass, she wasn't walking particularly straight.

"Professor! You're drunk!" Andrew said preparing himself to catch McGonagall as she tipped slightly his way.

"No shit Sherlock, go tell Watson!" McGonagall giggled.

"I am Watson!"

"Oh, sorry Watson..." McGonagall said, taking a closer look at Andrew, "The years have been good to you, you don't look a day over fifteen!"

"I'm fourteen, Professor."

"Now, Watson if you're going to lie about your age, I recommend twenty-eight..."

"Professor, it's not even noon!" Andy exclaimed, changing the subject.

McGonagall went to reply, when she noticed Barry and Lemo at the door,

"You two! Do you realise what you're standing under!"

Lemo and Barry jumped back, worried about what was about to fall on them, when they noticed what McGonagall was on about. The mistletoe...

"Aw crap..." Barry said, as Lemo shuddered.

"Pucker up guys!" exclaimed Andy, as Andrew and Don made kissing noises.

"Oh grow up, you three!" Lemo said rolling her and pecked Barry on the cheek, both glowing bright red.

"Guys..." Don, Andrew and Andy sighed,

"That what you call a kiss?" said Andrew.

"Well, it's as good as it's going to get!" Replied Lemo,

"And I'm quite alright with that!" Barry added quickly.

"Well, children I must be off! I shall see you later Watson? My office, perhaps?" McGonagall said slurring her words and winking at Andrew, Andrew shuddered.

"Sorry, professor! But Watson has to meet up with Sherlock later on..." Andy lied.

"After?"

"Ah...actually he can't, he's with me," Andy said grabbing Andrew's arm and patted him on the head.

"Oh! Beg your pardon! Anyway, must be off," McGonagall turned on her heel and left muttering about getting her whisky back from the house elves.

"McGonagall's scary when she's wasted!" Lemo said popping herself down on a seat at the table.

"I'll say, flirting with a fourteen year old!"

"Vision must be screwed..." Andrew said sitting himself down beside Andy, who was helping herself to some sausages.

"Yea, I would have chosen Barry over you any day!" Lemo ducked a missile piece of toast, "Now, now children..."

"Waff ouff ffme?" Don muffled through a mouthful of bacon and egg.

"Ew! Swallow!" Andy cried throwing a piece of turkey at him.

"What about me?" Don repeated.

"_What _about you?" Barry answered dodging a well aimed handful of scrambled egg from Andrew. Don sighed,

"_Never mind_."

"What the fucking hell are you two doing?" Lemo asked watching Andrew and Andy. Andrew had his spoon held as though it was a baseball bat and Andy had a rolled up piece of toast in her hand,

"What does it look like we're doing?" she asked.

"We have no bloody idea..." Don said.

"It looks like a mad game of softball!" Barry laughed.

"What's that?" Don asked confused.

"Duh! Think about it Don! _Soft _- ball, it obviously involves a soft ball!" Lemo said looking proud of herself, both Don and herself being pure bloods had never heard of Softball before.

"Actually, it's sort of like what the beaters do in a game of Quidditch," Andy explained, also pure blood, but Andrew just explained it to her.

"Oh. My game was a better idea," Lemo said stubbornly.

"Course it was..." Don said laughing.

The rest of the day was spent mostly having a violent snowball fight, complete with hand built trenches, piled high with snow. It was boys versus girls, a girl from Ravenclaw had joined them, Jalayna - but everyone called her Jub. Suddenly Andy popped up from her trench, catching Barry by surprise, who had been trying to sneak up on them.

"Look out Saucey!" Lemo cried out firing a snowball lazily in Barry's direction.

"Argh! My-" Barry crippled over in pain.

"Shit! You okay?" Andy exclaimed, leaving the security of the trench. Then she was grabbed from behind by Andrew.

"Gotcha!"

"Nooooooooooooooo! Not Andy! Take Jub instead!"

POW! A snowball smacked Lemo in the side of the head - from Jub.

"I wasn't serious..." Lemo muttered.

"Haha! We're going to take you prisoner!"

"Uh-oh! He can't take her prisoner! Who knows what he'll do!"

"Lemo. Head. Gutter. Out."

"I wasn't thinking dirty!" Lemo looked shocked, then shifted her eyes, "Or was I?"

"Lemo..." Andy warned, as Andrew steered her towards the boy's trenches.

"You'll never escaped now Rose!"

"Oh I will, don't you worry! Using mostly spoons...I shall dig a hole under the trenches...Yes spoons, you shall never sus-"

Andrew covered Andy's mouth with his hand,

"You have the right to remain silent."

"If onff haf aff cwoiff doof Iff?"

"What?" Andrew asked removing his hand.

"I don't have choice do I?"

"No."

"ATTACK!" Jub and Lemo tackled Andrew and Andy to the ground, then for the hell of it Barry and Don jumped on top.

"Yea, good plan guys..." came Andy's much muffled voice, who had unfortunately got stuck on the bottom.

"I feel as though I'm a piece of baloney!" Lemo said, ignoring Andy - or perhaps she didn't hear her...

"Why's that?" Barry asked from on top of her.

"Because, you know! You have baloney in sandwiches and it's like we're a sandwich!"

"Is anyone going to move?" Andy asked.

"I like baloney..." Don said from the top.

"Same!" Andrew said loudly in Andy's ear.

"Well! I'll sleep better tonight knowing you like baloney...Now would you bloody get off me!"

"Nah it's warm here..." Jub protested.

"That's because Lemo just wet herself."

"No I didn't!"

Andy sighed impatiently,

"I was trying to motivate everyone to move!"

"Well, it wouldn't affect us anyway," Barry said, "The piss would run down."

"Lovely thought...NOW GET OFF ME!"

"Well, I can't move 'cause Jub on me."

"Well, I can't 'cause Lemo on _me_!"

"Barry ain't a feather either"!

"Hey Don's on me!"

Everyone tried to turn to face Don,

"Okay, I'll move..."

"No! It's warm!"

"Jub! You out here?" came a voice from a little way away.

"Yep! Timmo! I'm here!"

"Jub?" The voice was closer now.

"Yep, Timmo? I'm third from bottom...What you want?"

"Uh...okay..."

"Nice to meet you, Timmo? I would try and shake you hand, but I do believe it is stuck," Barry said.

"Okay..."

"What you want, Timmo?" Jub repeated.

"Why are you lot like the leaning tower of bodies?"

"Snowball fight," came Andy's muffled voice, she was now starting to sink into the snow, under all the weight, "Guys, just so you know...we're sinking..."

"Crap, thought that was Andrew flattening himself out..."

"What?"

"How's ya mum?"

"What!"

"Never mind..."

"Timmo? You still there?"

""Yea..."

"Want did you want?"

"Kind of forgot when I saw the tower..."

"Yes. Yes it's all very disturbing and heavy I might add..." Andy said.

"Well we're all disturbing people!" Lemo said.

"Speak for yourself!" Barry cried.

"You're weird!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yea you are!"

"Nope!"

"Yep!"

"Nope!"

"Yep!"

"Nope!"

"Yep!"

"Nope!"

"Yep!"

"Nope!"

"Yea you are Saucey!"

"No-"

"Would you guy fuck u-"

"ARGH!"

Suddenly the tower came crumbling down, taking everyone by surprise - including Jub's brother who got knocked over like a bowling pin, by Barry as he fell from near the top.

"I have to say, we did stay a tower surprising long..." Lemo stated.

"Too long..." Andy said, peeling herself out of her dent in the snow, which was quite deep.

"So who did disturb the tower?" Jub asked glaring around, "I was warm!"

"And I was upright," Timmo muttered, picking himself up off the ground.

"I did, you guys weighed a ton! I mean c'mon three teenaged boys!" Andy said, "**And **I was cold..."

"Aw! You poor child!" Andrew joked as Andy pulled him and Don up.

"Yes poor Andy!" Lemo pulled Jub and Barry up.

"Well, I'm going inside..." Timmo said, looking warily at everyone, who seemed to be pairing off. Barry was trying to get a twig out of Lemo's hair, as Andrew and Andy were brushing each other down, while Jub and Don started talking about, Don's much loved Quidditch.

**Random disclaimer to match the random chappy...**

**I OWN NOTHING!**

**including this disclaimer: **

**"**I don't own anything here, AND ESPECIALLY (is that how you spell it) SMOKEY JOE! HE IS LEMO'S CREATION!**"**

**Anywho... Apoligies to the people I involved in this nut job of a story...**

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I LOVE REVIEWERS! - The very few I have...**

**Galleena: Thanks for the great review! lol Good to see someone who likes my language...lol**

**YouGotPhoned: Thanks!**

**And thanks to the regular reviewers! **

**I LOVE YOU - well not u...or u...**

**Cookies to all reviewers! 'Cept Lemo and Emo...they make you hyper**


	13. Winston, Jub and Mistletoe

**Chapter thirteen: Winston, Jub and Mistletoe...**

The Christmas dinner was loud and merry at Hogwarts. Lemo and Andy bellowed - I mean _sang _all the Christmas songs they knew. At the end of the table, away from Andy (On purpose), a sullen, still coughing up fur Malfoy kept throwing dirty looks at Andy.

"You know he will never leave you alone now, he will try and get his revenge," Lemo pointed out.

"Well, when he does Don, Andrew and I will curse his ass!" Barry said confidently.

"And if that doesn't work, I say we throw away the wands and manually kick his ass!" Andrew added, "Aye Don?"

"Huh?"

"He was busy Drew, he was watching Jub down the table," Andy indicated to Jub down the table with her turkey drumstick, "Just go ask her out!"

"Can't, her brother's there..."

"Oh for god sake!" Andy got up and marched down the table until she was behind Jub. Crouching down she came to Jub's level (because of course she was seated). After whispering a bit Andy came back with a look of triumph,

"Don, meet Jub in the Entrance Hall this Saturday around five...Anyway about the kicking Malfoy's ass, I think I can defend myself!"

"With Lemo's help!'

"And maybe Lemo's help..."

"Yay!"

Then Barry noticed something,

"Andy your eyes! Their _really _blue!"

"So...?"

"Well when I met you they were purple! I swear they were..."

Now Andrew, Don and Lemo joined in looking at her eyes,

"They were a more pale blue the other day!" Andrew said.

"They were green yesterday!" Don exclaimed excitedly, "Your one of those metamorphic-thingy people!"

"Can your nose stretch!" Lemo asked.

"No! I'm not metamorphic! And Lemo, you know that!"

"I was just curious..."

Andy rolled her sapphire blue eyes,

"I wear contact lenses and you guys only just noticed my eyes have been changing?"

"Yea..."

Just then the first course cleared and the dessert appeared.

"Yay!" Lemo shouted, reaching for the Christmas pudding, Barry reached for it too,

"Grr!" Lemo growled baring her teeth, Barry backed off laughing.

"I am stuffed stupid!" Don groaned.

"...Or just stupid," Andrew dodged a pillow flung feebly his way.

The group was spread out in the common room. Don's twin brother Gred and Forge were playing a game of exploding snap, while Don's other brother, Pierce was putting more studs into his nose - for a head boy he looked relatively punk and kind of scary. On a single couch Don was sprawled out. Andy was lying mostly on Andrew fast asleep, while Barry and Lemo were in deep discussion about god knows what, but they were surprising close...When Lemo said,

"So Barry did you like my present I gave you?"

Barry looked around guiltily,

"No..."

"Well you better get up there and open it then! And while you do that I shall bring the present Andy got me down..." Barry and Lemo went up to their separate dorms, as Andy stirred.

"Hey! Andy's awake!" Don said throwing a pillow at her for no reason.

"I'll get you back for that you know..." Andy muttered eyes still closed.

"Yea, I know you w-"

"ARGH! Lemo! It bit me!" Barry screamed, rushing down from the dorm holding something breathing by the scruff of the neck. Not long after Lemo came sprinting down from the girls dorms with something else breathing around her neck.

"But it's do cute though!" Lemo said looking innocent, "C'mon who can hate a smuggleypoo?"

"You got me a smugg - what now?"

"A smuggleypoo!"

"And what the fuck is that when it's at how? _And _ what's around your neck!"

"Barry, a smuggleypoo is a hamster-like creature. It only lives for about a week and when it dies it turns into an object you desire," Andy mumbled still half asleep.

"What she said," Lemo said.

"And...around your neck?"

"Oh! Andy got it for me! It's Winston the Weasel!"

"Winston?"

"Don't ask..." Andy said.

"Wasn't gonna."

"Hey, Barry what's that on your arm?" Andrew asked spotting the silver coat draped over Barry's arm.

"I'm not sure, I travelling coat I think...It was the other present I hadn't opened yet."

"Who's it from?" Lemo asked curiously.

"This all it said on the note that came with it..." Barry said passing the note to Lemo.

The note read:

_Dear Barry,_

_I 'borrowed' this from your father before he died, _

_I think it should rightfully be returned to you..._

_(partly 'cause I don't need it.)_

_Use it well_

_(Nuh-duh...)_

"Wow...This person seems to have two personalities..." Andy said, after reading the letter.

"Well, that bizzare, I mean what else are you going to use a cloak for?" Andrew said.

"Don what you think?" Barry said, looking over at Don, who let out a loud snore, "When did he fall asleep?"

"Pass..."

"Well lets see it on you then!" Lemo sat herself down on top of Don.

Barry chucked the cloak over himself and turned to face Andy, Andrew and Lemo, "So how do I look?"

"Like a crappy couch," Lemo answered honestly.

"Oh my fucking god! Barry your invisible!"

"I am?"

"Nope, just felt like saying it!"

"Oh."

"I'm kidding! Why would I say that if you weren't!"

"Well...you _are_ Andy..."

"Shut up."

"Hey, guys I'm going to go for walk..." Barry said, suddenly feeling emotional - as good men do when their dead fathers are mentioned unexpectantly...Barry took the cloak off and threw it over his shoulder, then exited through the portrait.

"He'll be okay, aye?" Andrew asked, concerned - another good man...

"I'm going to go follow him..." Lemo said getting up off Don, then chased after Barry.

"I don't think that's a good idea!' Andy called after her, but Lemo continued her chase after Barry.

"Barry!" Lemo hissed down the deserted corridor, "Oi! Pigboy..."

No reply.

"Fuck! How far can he go!" she muttered to herself.

Walking briskly down the corridor Lemo tried to keep warm as the cold crept upon her, suddenly Lemo sptted a piece of paper on the ground,

"Well hello, what's this..."

In loopy font, at the top of the page it said 'Abnormality Potion'. The page was obviously ripped from a book. Below the heading it said all the ingredients and method for making it,

"This must be instructions to make a potion!" Lemo muttered to no one in particular, after saying this McGonagall's words popped into her mind 'No shit Sherlock, go tell Watson!' Lemo chuckled to herself.

"Come looking for me did you?" Came Barry's voice from behind her.

"Yep! Boy, you can walk fast!" Lemo said relieved that she wasn't alone anymore.

"What have you got there?" Barry asked noticing the potion thingy in Lemo's hand, Lemo passed it to him.

"_Side effects: Love potion-like reaction, opposite behaviour than usual, possible break-out of hives and other random things..._" Barry read, "Sounds like a scary potions if you ask me..."

"I'll say, can't imagine that being allowed..." Lemo agreeing.

"Yea..."

"Hey, we better get back to the common room..."

"Yea true..."

Then for know reason Barry kissed Lemo.

"Uh...what was that for?" Lemo asked, Barry casually pointed upwards, towards the mistletoe, "Their everywhere!"

As Barry walked ahead to the common room Lemo looked up at the mistletoe, "I love you ugly pointy plant!" Then she rushed to catch up with Barry,

"Hey, Lemo...you're not doing anything this Saturday are you?"

"Well...I guess the squid won't miss me..."

**Thank you 2 my better reader, (Lemo)! And again apoligies...**


	14. Holy Crap! Fluffy Makes Her Debut

**Chapter fourteen: Holy Crap! - Fluffy Makes Her Debut...**

Sadly the Christmas holidays came to an end and the students that had gone away for the holidays came back. All couples holding hands, (Awww or ewwww however you think...) Andrew, Andy, Lemo, Barry, Jub and Don waited in the Entrance Hall for everyone to arrive. Finally a rather tanned and grinning Emo came in, deep in discussion with a Hufflepuff,

"Hey guys this is...um...Joel!" Emo smiled indicating to the Hufflepuff she was talking to, "And this is Andrew...Andy...Lemo...Barry...Jub and Do-" Emo noticed Don's arm around Jub and gave a knowing smile, "That's Don..."

"Sup!" Andy said cheerily, then grabbed Emo into a hug, "Have a good Christmas?" she grabbed embarrassed Joel into a hug.

"Yep, it was great! By the way Lemo...what the hell was that thing you gave me!"

Barry laughed,

"Did you get a smuggleypoo too?"

Lemo cackled.

"Oh god," Andrew said rolling his eyes, "everyone got one! Mine was a lazy bugger, poke him with a quill and he still wouldn't move...Now Andy are we going to go the library now or what?"

"Yea...sure!" Andy said grabbing his hand once more and directing him to the library.

"School hasn't even started again yet!" Emo said amazed, "Hey, their holding-" she gasped. Lemo nodded. Emo smiled and shook her head, while Jub nodded understanding. Barry, Joel and Don exchanged confused looks.

"Nick! Mione!" Lemo cried as Mione and Nick walked in, she ran to greet them in a hug...

Soon the school was busy and bustling again. Homework was set and avoided. In the first week Temmo, Jub's older brother, managed to blow up Flitwick's Charms classroom, so the classroom was relocated. Unfortunately Andrew, Andy, Lemo, Barry, Mione, Nick and Emo got lost on their way to their temporary Charms classroom.

"Oh, fucking hell!" Lemo cried in frustration.

"Shit. Fuck. Crap." Andrew cursed.

"God guys! The language, just because we can't find - Holy mother fucker of shit!" Andy screamed stubbing her toe.

"At least our swearing made sense..." Andrew said with a laugh.

"You want to remain living?" Andy said glaring.

"Yes."

"Well I suggest you fuck up..." then feeling bad she gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Hey people. I think this is it..." Mione said pointing to the door in front of them; she went to turn the knob - only it was locked.

"Don't think that's it Mione..." Barry said.

"Well it is our _Charms_ classroom, so maybe we have to unlock the door!" Mione argued.

"But we don't have a key do we?" Lemo said patting Winston the weasel.

Mione sighed,

"We have to use charm!"

"Charm? You say? Let me do it..." Andrew said he marched up to the door knob, bent down so he could look at properly, "So...You come here often?" He said to the doorknob, winking, the doorknob giggled.

"Oh god, my boyfriend is flirting with a doorknob..." Andy said highly embarrassed.

Mione sighed yet again,

"Not that kind of charm! Idiot! Move over..."

"I'll do it!" Lemo cried excitedly, "_Expelliarmus!_" she said waving her wand enthusiastically, everyone else wands flew out of pockets and hands and hit her on the head,

"What the fuck?" Lemo said rubbing her head.

"Mione rolled her eyes and grabbed her wand back,

"Dumbarses...all of you...except maybe Nick and Emo..._Alohomora_!" They all heard the lock click and hastily grabbed their wands.

"We are sooooo late..."

They all pushed their way through the door and shut it behind them, then turned to face the room. Half expecting to see a classroom full of first year Gryffindor and Ravenclaws, but instead saw a huge dog. With four heads. And smelly feet.

"Holy crap! He smells like pickle!" Andy screamed clinging to Andrew, who muttered "Fuck..."

"_Actually _I think 'he' is a 'she'..." Nick said, trying to get a better view.

"No time for discussing the sex of the four headed beast, I-"

"Now, beast is just a hurtful..."

The dog, only just noticing the had arrived shook it's heads wildly, trying to do god knows what...but it was getting a tad pissed that these people were being mean...Suddenly one of the tags on one of it's collars came off and flew to the ground, landing with a loud thunk inches away from their feet. It said:

_Fluffy Hagrid_

_If found, please return to,_

_Rubeus Hagrid_

_Keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts_

_Wooden residence on Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry grounds._

"RUN!" Andy yelled as the 'dog' began to growl. Not needing to be told twice, the group turned and ran out of the room and didn't stop running until they had put a good distance between themselves and the dog.

"I...swear...that...was...the...most...scariest...beast...I...have...ever...seen..." Barry puffed.

"You've...never...seen...Emo...in...the...morning..." Lemo said as she leaned heavily against Barry.

Emo whacked Lemo over the head as Andy nodded, agreeing.

"What the hell are they doing keeping that thing locked up in a school?" Nick asked slowly catching his breath.

Mione sighed, (yes she seemed to do that a lot...)

"Didn't you guys see what it was standing on?"

"The floor?"

"Magic carpet?"

"Wasabi!"

"No! Wasabi?"

"Never mind, carry on pickle..." Lemo said waving her hand at Mione.

Mione eyed Lemo,

"It was standing on a trap door, so it was obviously guarding something. I have no idea what, but I bet you anything, Rubeus Hagrid knows..."


	15. Picholas Flannell

**Chapter fifteen: Picholas Flannell**

"Pass me a chicken nibble, would ya?" Barry asked pointing to the chicken nibbles, Andy sighed,

"Magic word?" she demanded tapping her fingers impatiently on the table.

"Wingardium Leviosa, but you know I still can't do that spell!" Barry moaned, looking longingly at the chicken - so close, yet so far...

"I actually meant please..." Andy muttered pushing the plate closer to Barry, while at the same time hitting Andrew over the head, because he was attempting flick her bra strap, since he had finished his food and was bored, "Flick it, and I will hurt you so much..." Andy growled warningly.

"And if she doesn't, I will. Always wanted to hurt you..." Lemo began, then started muttering about how much tall people piss her off.

"Hey! I'm tall!" Andy protested.

"Your different...Your a chick..." Lemo said before continueing her muttering.

"Also guys, we have herbiology last period, which means we can go visit the grounds keeper," Mione said.

"The grounds keeper?" Don asked through a mouth full of baloney sandwich.

"Donald, don't you listen?"

"Nope."

Mione sighed, but before she could say anything, Barry interupted,

"Mione, do you _always_ have to sigh?"

She sighed again, only this time, it was to annoy Barry,

"Yep. Now Don, _Hagrid_ is the _grounds keeper_. _He_ is the person who owns _Fluffy_. Which is the _four headed dog_. Which is on the _third floor_. Got it?" she said this all very slowly as though explaining it to a two year old.

"Uh...Kinda..." Don said looking mildly confused.

Mione, Barry, Nick, Emo, Andrew and Andy all stood outside Hagrid's hut on the school grounds. Don and Lemo _were_ with them, but Lemo got distracted by the squid and just **had** to go see it and Don got distracted by Jub.

"You knock!" Barry hissed.

"No, you knock!" Nick whispered nudging Andrew forward.

"Bags not!" Andy said, her thumb flew upwards, when suddenly the door flew open and the large man who had crossed the lake with the first years several months ago stood in front of them.

"Shit, does he have to be so darn tall?" Emo muttered.

"Excuse me, sir..." Andrew began, as a nervous Andy clung to him, "I was wondering..."

"Mr. Hagrid, we were wondering if you could talk about Fluffy with us..." Mione said, her confidence building, but Hagrid went pale - not because he saw Lemo and the squid, but because of the mention of Fluffy,

"How yer kno' bou' Fluffy?"

"Well, we-"

"Yer be'er come insi'e..." Hagrid said stepping back from the door, "Ba' Nose, Ba'..."

"Nose?"

"He me dog...BA'!"

The group stepped inside the small, but homey hut. In the fireplace a lively fire burned and crackled, Hagrid was holding back a huge, vicious looking dog.

"Aw! Ain't he just gorgeous!" Andy cried out rushing forward to pat the dog, which luckily turned out to be very friendly. Everyone else still watched the dog warily, "He's a tad bigger than Teddy, my sheltie," Andy said with a laugh, "But you have a beautiful nature!" she said patting it fondly as it bet it's tail hard against the floor.

"She loves dogs..." Andrew said.

"So do I!" Emo said, still not sure about the dog.

"Nose asi'e now...How yer kno' bou' Fluffy?" Hagrid asked, "Though' yer wer'n't 'loud in the thir' corridor?"

"We're not, but we got lost on our way to Charms...Because it was relocated..." Andrew said.

Hagrid sighed,

"Well, yer kno' anythin' else?"

"Nope," Andrew began, Mione kicked him, "Well, yes, we figured it must be guarding something, since it's standing over a trapdoor..."

"Yer, woul' be right ther...but I ain't gona say nuttin!"

"Aww, c'mon Mr. Hagrid!" Mione exclaimed.

Hagrid, obviously wasn't used to being called Mr. Hagrid, since he blushed,

"No, can't!"

"Well, Dumbledore obviously put safe trust in you, then Hagrid..." Andy said from her place on the floor next to Nose.

Mione caught on,

"Yea, because your so trustworthy, he knew you wouldn't tell a soul..."

Barry clicked,

"Yes, sorry to bother you."

Nick looked at the others in confusion, when it dawned on Emo's face,

"Yep, he wouldn't have told anyone else, but you, correct?"

Hagrid swelled with pride,

"Yer, almos' right! Meself, Dumbledore and Picholas Flannell are the only one 'ho kno'!" Hagrid didn't seemed to notice what he had done, until the group had left with triumphant smiles on their faces,

"Crap!" he said hitting himself over the head while pouring himself a whiskey.

At dinner Barry, Andrew, Emo, Don, Mione, Andy, Lemo and Nick were all in a huddle as they discussed their findings, when they were interupted by Dumbledore standing up,

"Attention students!" The hall immediatly hushed,

"Here with me, I have the first year Quidditch teams-" The hall broke out into excited whispers,

"As you all will be well aware, it is Quidditch season, so I assume other teams have begun training. Our first years teams are as follows..."

The group looked over at each other excitedly,

"Slytherin team consists of: Chasers; Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, Jo-anna Felcher, Beaters;-" Dumbledore broke off and looked questionly at Snape who nodded.

"-Beaters; Boyle and Cray, Seeker; Dracola Malfoy and Keeper; Blaise Zabini...Hufflepuff team: Chasers; Charlotte Borris, Jesse Meadow, Paul Pirrate, Beaters; Brooke McPea and Ross Plankton; Seeker Joel Tapsell and Keeper; Louie Montgonary...Gryffindor team: Chasers; Erin Parker, Don Weasel, Seamus Finnegan; Beaters; Andrew Watson and Leah Roberts - "

Lemo and Andrew high fived, missed, then covered it up by yelling,

"We get to hit balls!"

" - Seeker; Barry Saucepan and Keeper; Amber Rose...Ravenclaw team: Chasers; Jalayna Sheep, Craig Valentine, Kurtis Ian; Beaters; Kate Ranchester and Cesciller Purararara; Seeker; Keeley Parnapa and Keeper; Sean Anderson...Now all of you off to bed!" Dumbledore said smiling, as the excited students left the Great Hall.

"I can't believe it! We made the team!" Andy yelled jumping up and down.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

Don rushed over to Jub and picked her up and twirled her around,

"We made the team!"

"I just had dinner, if you going to keep spinning me around, you might make me sick..." Jub said laughing. Lemo, Emo and Andy ran around jumping, and hugging everyone,

"It's all about poise and-Argh shit!" Emo cried.

Lemo and Andy rushed to her side. She was sprawled out on her back,

"So much for poise, eh?"

"Shut up..." Emo said trying to hide something yellow.

"What's this?" Andy said, grabbing hold of the yellow thing, "Oh no!" It was a banana skin.

Andrew cracked up,

"I thought that only happened in the movies! - Bad movies!" He added.

"Don't bother asking me if I'm okay..." Emo muttered pulling herself up.

"Hey, you okay?" Joel asked offering her his hand...


	16. Rough Games

**Chapter sixteen: Rough Games**

Weeks past, and the Quidditch team practised hard. It was hard to keep up with it all; Quidditch, homework and Lemo's constant disappearing weasel. Lemo could often be found roaming the corridors crying mournfully,

"Winston! Where are you furry buddy?"

Usually Barry helped search, because (in Lemo's opinion) it was his fault Winston went missing...

Finally the first years Quidditch match came, Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. At breakfast everyone picked at their food,

"Barry, you should really eat something..." Mione said concerned.

"Why me? No one else is eating!" Barry said eyeing everyone else's barely touched plates.

"Yea, but..."

"You'll need your strength more!" Andrew said.

"Hello...? You're a beater, I'm a seeker - I don't think I'll need more strength than you..."

"What he really means to say is, it is usual for the seekers to be bloodied up!" Andy said bluntly.

Barry looked slightly alarmed.

"Great going Andy..." Lemo glared at Andy before throwing a piece of toast at her, "Well no saving Andy's ass from bludgers today..."

"Hey! What am I? Chopped liver? I can save Andy's ass!" Andrew exclaimed.

"Yes, yes I'm sure you can Choppy..."

Mione put down her fork,

"Well, I'm off to the library...Coming Nick?"

Andy's mouth dropped open,

"You're not coming to our first game!"

"I don't take interest in Quidditch...besides we still have to research Picholas! Nick?"

Several pairs of eye turned to watch Nick expectantly; he shifted uneasily in his seat - too afraid to move,

"Well...um...I...um..." Then without warning he leapt up and ran out of the Great Hall.

"Wow...never seen him run that fast..."

Inside the changing rooms, Andrew, Lemo, Emo, Don, Seamus, Barry and Andy waited for the commentator to say they could enter the pitch. They all stood in silence, listening to the commentator's words,

"_Welcome Hogwarts to the first, first year Quidditch match! Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor! I'm your commentator, Bonny-March Fist! Canary yellow Hufflepuffs enter the pitch...Hmmm seems as though their in a random order...makes things a little difficult! Dumbarses! Anyway... McPea... Plankton... Borris... Tapsell... __Montgonary... Pirrate... Meadow!_"

The pitch erupted in Hufflepuff supporter cheers as Bonny-March read the names of the players; the nervous Gryffindors entered the pitch,

"_Gryffindor! In alphabetical order I see! Nice...! We have Finnegan... Parker... Roberts... Rose... Saucepan... Watson... Weasel! (What kind of last name is that!)..._" Gryffindor screamed as loud as the Hufflepuff supporters. The Gryffindors joined the Hufflepuffs at the center of the pitch, with Hooch,

"Now, Quidditch match virgins...I want a clean match, no unnecessary shoving, pushing or mud fights! Team captains step forward!"

Both teams looked blank, obviously they hadn't thought of having a captain. Lemo pushed Barry forward, while a bewildered Pirrate stepped forwards, (Paul Pirrate not an _actual _pirate...)

"Pirrate, Saucepan shake hands..."

They shook hands, while Andy whispered to Lemo and Emo,

"Pirrates hot..."

"For once I agree..." Lemo said.

"I'm right here!" Andrew said, trying to look hurt.

"Oh for god sake! Surely I'm allowed to say! May I give you a brief reminder of what you-"

"Mount your brooms!" Hooch interrupted.

"_They are mounting their brooms!_" Bonny said over the microphone.

"That girl is going to drive me nuts..." Hooch muttered, "Play ball!"

"_The Bludgers are released! Closely followed by the Golden Snitch! The players take off...the Quaffle is released, immediately Meadow takes possession of the ball..._"

Barry flew around looking out for the Snitch...which was unbelievably small and fast. He couldn't see it at all... Occasionally Bonny's words would float into his head...

"_Parker has the Quaffle, passes to Weasel, who sco - No! Excellent save by Hufflepuff keeper, M__ontgonary! Hufflepuff in possession of the Quaffle, Meadow passes to the rather hot Pirrate - yes I see you blushing there...Oppseys hope it wasn't me who put you off...Finnegan has the Quaffle...Nope, Borris has- Ouch! That got to hurt! Good shot there from Gryffindor beater, Watson. Gryffindor back in posses- Ow! Good beaters this year! McPea hit Parker pretty hard there... Now, now no bitch fight in there air please..._" Emo and Brooke glared at Bonny, and then continued playing.

"_Sheeesh, can't take a joke...Oh! Seems, we have a fight brewing down the pitch, at the Hufflepuff goal posts!_"

Andrew was yelling at the other Hufflepuff beater, Ross,

"You bastard! You can't hit a bludger at the keeper, _unless_ they have possession of the Quaffle! Everyone knows that!"

"You can so, you dumbshit! Read the bloody rule book..."

"Hit another bludger in Am's direction and I swear I'll kick your sorry little ass!" Andrew threatened, glaring.

"I'd like to see you try!" Ross back chatted, returning the glare.

"_Now children calm yourse- I do believe Gryffindor just scored! 30-20 to Gryffindor!_"

Andrew and Ross threw each other a last loathing look then sped off into different directions.

"Keep your balls away from my man!" Lemo yelled to no one in particular.

"You know, that sounds totally wrong..." Brooke said laughing chasing after a bludger.

"Brooke! _You're_ on the Hufflepuff team!"

"_Gryffindor, you have some nutters this year...Anyway...Hufflepuff in possession, Meadow, intercepted by Parker who passes to Finnegan, who passes to Weasel waiting at the goal- What do we have here! I do believe Saucepan and Tapsell have spotted the Snitch..._"

Everyone gasped as Barry and Joel dived for the snitch, which was fluttering close to the ground. Both boys had expressions of extreme concentration.

"_Their concentrating very hard on this dive..._"

Everyone froze, including the players on the pitch; Andy was still holding the Quaffle after stopping a goal; Lemo still had a finger raised in Charlotte's direction for god knows what reason and Paul was hovering in the path of a bludger, but didn't move.

WHACK!

"Ouch..."

"_I do believe Pirrate just got hit by a bludger...probably spell bound by-_"

Bonny cut off as Barry and Joel kept going, even though they were so close to the ground,

"_Holy crap! Their going to hit the ground!_"

Suddenly the Snitch darted out of the way and disappeared, immediately the boys pulled up their brooms, about ten centimetres from the ground.

"_Nice pull up from both team seekers! Guess we still have a game..._"

Disappointed moans echoed through the pitch.

"_Weasel still has the Quaffle, he aims, and he...scores! 40-20 to Gryffindor! Yay! We kick arse! Sorry Professor...I have to say this is a pretty slow game..._"

Barry rose higher into the air, disappointed, he had been inches away from the Snitch, then the little bugger slipped away! He silently cursed the little flying piece of shit...

"_Meadow has the Quaffle, he passes to Borris who passes to - FOUL FOUL!_"

All the Hufflepuff supported started booing at Bonny, for her accusation,

"_Not from the Hufflepuff you dumbshits...I'm talking about the Slytherins!_"

Everyone turned to look at the Slytherin area of the pitch, hovering above the goal posts, Andy had her head back, trying to stop her nose from bleeding. Barry rushed to check it out, Emo, Lemo and a glowing red with anger Andrew following behind him.

"Andy, what happened?" Barry asked, seeing her up close her nose looked worse.

"Malfoy...threw.. this..." she said facing the sky, holding up an empty ink pot full of stones. Now all the players had gathered around the goal posts. Brooke, Ross, Lemo, Don and Seamus are what it took to restrain Andrew from attacking Malfoy with his beater bat. But no one took much notice of Emo as she took Brooke's bat then flew over to the crying from laughter Malfoy,

"That is not funny! That's just sick!" Emo said as she raised the bat to hit Malfoy.

"_Smash his lights out Parker! You get him girl!_" Bonny yelled over the microphone jumping up and down.

"That's enough! _Accio Brooke's bat_!" Hooch yelled aiming her wand in Emo's direction, "Malfoy, Parker both of you, detention!" Emo's mouth dropped open,

"Hooch! But I didn't even get to hurt him!"

"But you were going to...therefore you have to take the punishment..."

"_Oh my fucking god!_" Bonny screamed, "_Sorry professor! But I do believe Saucepan has got the snitch! Gryffindor win! 190-20 190-20 190-20 !Yay!_" She started jumping up and down.

"What?" Andrew calmed down and everyone let go of him, they all turned to look at Barry, who somehow got the snitch.

"It just flew past a second ago," Barry said shrugging, still clasping the snitch in his left hand.

"It just flew past?" Brooke asked sceptically.

"My god what are the odds of that?" Lemo exclaimed.

All the players just stared at the snitch when suddenly it dawned on them,

"Aw! We lost!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! We won! We won! We won!"

"Yay!" Andy said rather thickly through her blood nose.

Andrew conjured up a handkerchief and rushed to Andy's side so that she could move her head easier.

"We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won!"

Ross groaned in defeat and Pirrate shook hands with Barry's other hand. Emo squealed in excitement, still looking a little pissed, because of her detention, then threw a furious look at the equally pissed Malfoy,

"I'll get you back for this, don't you worry..." she growled at him.

Both teams, landed on the ground. Gryffindor were still cheering, still rather confused.

"We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won!" Lemo kept chanting, grabbed Barry and captured him in a hug.

"Can't...breathe..."

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won!" she continued her hopping up and down victory dance, "Victory dance, victory dance, victory dance..."

"Congratulations..." Pirrate said shaking hands with Andrew who was trying to tell if Andy's blood nose was stopping.

"Thanks, you guys were brilliant! Pure luck we won..." Andrew said, Pirrate grinned,

"Thanks, there anything I can do?" he said looking at Andy.

"Yea can you get our stuff from the Gryffindor changing rooms? I'm going to take her to the hospital wing..."

Andy groaned,

"No...Not Madam Pomfrey..."

"Mione!" Barry called out to her.

"We won! We won! We won! We won! We won! We won!" Lemo yelled at her.

"_190-20! 190-20! 190-20!_" Bonny was still chanting.

Mione ran to them, her face flushed,

"Well done! I kind of guessed, I could hear all the noise from the library...And I found out stuff about Picholas Flannell..."


	17. Holy Shoes

**Chapter seventeen: Holy Shoes**

After the match there was a party in the common room, people from years on a team complimented their flying ability and gave them tips. When they finally managed to get away from it all, Mione pulled Don, Barry and Lemo aside. She pulled out an extremely old and thick book, then ignoring Barry and Don exchanged glances she tried to find her bookmark.

"You wanted to show us a book?" Barry said eyeing the book.

"Does it have anything about squids?" Lemo asked.

"I hope that wasn't homework..." Don moaned Barry joined in on the moaning.

"Would you be quiet for a second?" Mione said irritably, "Aha! This is the page!" she turned to a particular page then passed it to Barry.

"Winston! There you are! Come to mummy..." Lemo squealed excitedly grabbing Winston out from under the nearby table.

"Focus Lemo..."

Lemo blushed,

"My bad..."

"_The ancient study of alchemy is concerned with making the Smelliepheet Stone (more commonly known as the Ugly Rock), a legendary substance with astonishing powers. The Stone can transform any metal into gold. It can also produce the Elixir of Life will make the drinker immortal (and possibly give them a bad odour...but who cares when you old!) There have been many reports on the Smelliepheet/Ugly Rock, but at present there is only one stone/rock in existence, that belongs to Picholas Flannell. Picholas Flannell, at the time of the printing of this book was seven hundred and four years, three months, fourteen days and three point two hours old._" Barry read aloud.

"Shit."

"That's what Fluffy's guarding!" Mione said excitedly.

Cheers erupted as Andrew and Andy stumbled through the portrait hole.

"A Beater and Keeper have just entered the building!" Bonny cheered, along with the rest of the crowd. Andy gave a weak smile, while Andrew had his arm around her shoulder. Madam Pomfrey had done a pretty god job of cleaning up Andy's nose. Although there was only so much she could do, because they didn't go to her as quickly as she would have liked. There was a slight purple tinge to Andy's nose, but other than that it was normal.

Andy collapsed into a chair, immediately bombarded with questions from a group of girls. Andrew looked at Andy, worried then rushed up to Mione, Don, Lemo and Barry,

"Guys, I have something to tell you..."

"Same here..."

"Snape. He tried to get past Fluffy!"

"What!" Lemo looked shocked.

"What makes you say that?" Mione asked.

"Well when I took Andy to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey told me to go the staff room. She wanted to speak with Snape, since he's head of Slytherin, she was totally pissed at Malfoy," Andrew chuckled at the memory of the angry Madam Pomfrey, "So I went there and then I saw Snape, he had his cloak pulled up high above his knee. And Filth the caretaker was there examining it. And Snape was talking, 'Couldn't keep track of all four of its bloody heads...'"

Mione gasped,

"No! Snape wouldn't! I know he's a bastard, but he's a teacher! Surely he wouldn't try and take something that Dumbledore was trying to guard!"

"I bet he would..." Don said bitterly.

The next day Andy's nose no longer had the purple tinge and the weather was bright and sunny. It was a perfect day, except they had Potions first thing.

"What a horrible thing to wake up to..." Barry said miserably as they walked to Potions.

"I'll say..." Lemo said yawning and placing her head on his shoulder, "Wake me up when it's over..."

The dungeons were as dark and gloomy as ever. Everyone took their seats, as Snape burst in the door, limping slightly, Andrew shot Mione a meaningful look, who shrugged and mouthed "Sporting injury?" Andrew sniggered, "Yea right," he mouthed back.

"Got yourself two girlfriends have you Watson?" Malfoy hissed, "Where do you get the time and energy?" Boyle and Cray laughed.

Andy turned around,

"Oh histerical," she said sarcastically.

"I see your nose has healed well!" Malfoy said, pretending to examine her nose, "I only just noticed you have a rather ugly nose..."

"Her nose is just fine, but you...god, fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, did we?" Lemo said glaring.

Malfoy's smile faded,

"Hope you enjoy detention tonight Parker, I apoligise, I won't be joining you. My father will be sending a letter to Dumbledore any moment now...excusing me from detention..."

"Really? And you think that's going to work? Well you just keep telling yourself that..." Emo said turning around too.

"Five points from Gryffindor! No chit chat in my class thank-you..." Snape snapped.

"Oh fuck..."

"Make that ten!"

Emo sat quietly, fuming. Nearby jar full of floating this and that exploded above Malfoy.

"Gah! Thanks a lot Parker!"

Emo turned around shocked,

"I didn't do anything!"

"Sure, sure!" Malfoy said not believing her, until an evil cackle echoed above.

"Peas! I do not find your pranks amusing in my class! Leave now!" Snape barked towards the ceiling, suddenly a floating ghost of a boy became visible,

"What if I don't wana?"

"Then you'll regret it...Perhaps the Bloody Barrell will come give you a little visit..."

"Touchy, touchy..." Peas said before floating through the ceiling.

"Fucking hell!" Lemo yelled as she knocked over the cauldron her and Barry were sharing. The sickly yellow potion leaked all over the floor, eating at everything like acid,

"It wasn't me!" she said throwing her hands up, looking guilty.

"You idiot girl!" Snape yelled waving his wand, muttering a cleaning spell, which had no effect. Everyone leapt onto the sinking stool and tables as the potion spread. Andrew immediately lifted Andy off the ground of the Potions path.

"Put me down Drew!"

"EVERYONE OUT!" Snape screamed totally losing, his already little patience, "OUT! OUT! And you! Roberts! I'll be seeing you in detention tonight!" And on that note he limped determinedly out the door, his shoes developing holes as he walked.

"Woah...what's up his arse?"

**Another chappy! Well 4 those who wanted to know...I turned 14 yesterday! WOOOOHOOOO! lol Thanks 4 your reviews! hugs tramautised reviewers**


	18. Abnormalities Aside, Everything’s Normal

**Chapter eighteen: Abnormalities Aside, Everything's Normal...**

"You don't like pumpkin juice! What's wrong with you!" Lemo exclaimed, having only just found out that Barry doesn't like Pumpkin juice, that night at dinner, "Who _doesn't _like Pumpkin juice?"  
"Well I don't, and most of the Slytherins don't," Malfoy drawled from behind them, "That's why we thought we should bring this over..." He said placing two Pumpkin juice pouring jugs, "Boyle and Cray are bringing the rest..." He turned on his heel then walked back to the Slytherin table.

"My god...He did something nice! _And_ he's still alive!" Lemo said shocked, reaching for the jug, "Can't believe they don't like Pumpkin juice! Oh well all the more for me..."

"Lemo, you sure drinking it, is a good idea?" Mione cautiously sniffed the juice.

"C'mon, that would be low for even Malfoy...its fine!" Lemo said pouring herself a glass. Mione snatched it away from her then waved her wand,

"_Reveal_..." Nothing happened. Waving her wand again she said, "_Reveal your secrets_..." still nothing. So she gave up and passed it to Lemo, but before Lemo could grab it, Andrew who was also suspicious took it. He sniffed it,

"Smells normal..." he dipped his finger in, Lemo wrinkled her nose,

"Now that's just bad...putting your finger in my glass...I'm going to drink that..." Ignoring her Andrew licked his finger,

"Tastes normal..." he then rubbed his finger against his thumb,

"Feels normal..."

"Give me back my pumpkin juice!" Lemo cried impatiently.

"Yea I think its fine..." Andrew said giving Lemo her juice, he then poured himself a glass. As if it was confirmed everyone else poured themselves glasses. Boyle and Cray bought over the rest of the Slytherin juice and put it in other places down the table, swapping the jugs for the empty Gryffindor jugs.

"Well, Lemo, we best be off to detention!" Emo said finishing her glass.

"Yea..."

"Bye guys!" Emo said waving and walking off to the Entrance Hall, where they were supposed to wait for whoever was going to do their detention.

"Bye!" Lemo said, placing her empty glass on the table and giving Barry a kiss, before following Emo.

The next morning Barry woke to the strange sound of scraping.

"What the fuck?" he said looking around, then realised he didn't have his glasses on; he put them on and saw Nick on the floor.

"Nick, what _are_ you doing?"

Nick looked up,

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like your bum shuffling..."

"Exactly, I'm going down to breakfast!"

"Bum shuffling to breakfast?"

"How else?"

"Ahh...walking maybe?"

Nick snorted then bum shuffled out of the dorm.

"O...K...that was odd..." Barry muttered to himself, then he noticed Andrew, he was sitting on his bed staring longingly at a photo, "What you got there Drew?"

"Ain't she beautiful?"

"Who? Andy?"

"Who?" Andrew's attention snapped away from the photo.

"Andy! You know the chick you've been dating for ages?"

"Chick? I don't date animals..."

"No, the _girl_ you've been dating for ages!"

"But you said I was going out with a chick!"

Barry sighed, for some reason; Andrew was being deliberately strange,

"Never mind..."

"I won't," Andrew said simply.

"So who is the photo of?"

Andrew showed Barry the photo,

"Holy crap!" He exclaimed in horror, "Andrew! That's Professor McGonagall!"

"Yea..." Andrew said stroking the photo lovingly.

"Dude! She's..."

"Beautiful?"

"Old!"

"Now, now Barry, that's not a fair comment."

Barry shuddered,

"Drew, you have a great relationship with Andy! Are you really going to blow it on an old lady?"

"_Who is this Andy person!_"

Barry just looked at Andrew in disbelief,

"Drew...I think you're sleep deprived..."

"I'm not tired!"

'Did you hit your head, recently?"

"Nope."

"Feel ill?"

"Nope."

"Been smoking?"

"Nope."

"Drinking?"

"Nope."

Barry looked at Andrew, who was now talking quietly to the photo.

"Weird..." he muttered to himself, and then left the dorm. On his way down the stairs he ran into Don,

"Morning Don, have you seen Andrew? He's gone totally nutty over McGonagall..."

"Fluffnub," Don said.

"What?"

"Ranbozal cabowa loo."

"C'mon Don, this ain't funny..."

"Qual tawa teki TABAH!" Don said loudly waving his arms about.

Barry sighed impatiently,

"Don stop it."

"Yacku hablof abonag, floof tong. Yowlen gaho hubub glawo onhe ewuque getua tyroa. Juroa kaz-"

Barry interrupted him, "When you're finished being ridiculous, I'll talk to you..." Barry then pushed past him and walked into the common room. No one was there, except Andy and Pierce. Pierce who was usually covered in a large number of studs, (earrings) was looking rather odd, with the studs replaced by lots of dangly feather earrings. To top off his new 'look' he had a hot pink tutu on. As for Andy she looked as though she was going for a muggle goth look or something. She had ripped jeans, a ripped black t-shirt, her brown hair was died black and she had a nose piercing

'When did she get that?' Barry thought to himself.

What made this whole situation even weirder was Pierce was on one knee with an onion ring in his hand.

"Yea, suppose..." Andy said looking bored and grumpy.

"You have just made me the happiest man in the world!" Pierce exclaimed, putting the onion ring on Andy's finger.

"Uh...guys?" Barry asked.

"Good fucking morning to you," Andy said gloomily.

"Barry! Guess what! Andy and I are getting married!"

"What!" Barry asked totally surprised...this morning was getting weirder and weirder...

"Yep! Next week on Saturday!" Pierce said jumping up and down in his tutu.

"Andy, is this true?"

"Yep."

"Okay...You know marriage is a big deal, don't you?"

"Woopee fucking doo..." Andy said, still looking bored.

"Good Morning to all of you," Lemo said coming from the portrait hole, "I have just had my breakfast, it was absolutely splendid, a nutritious and hardy meal."

"Lemo?" Barry asked unsure, her black hair was now blonde and cut into a shorter style, and then she had pulled it back into a perfect French twist. She was dressed in a conservative, pink ironed suit and matching pink high-ish heels.

"May I ask whom you're addressing?" Lemo asked curiously.

Barry stared at her.

"I'd appreciate it, if you would please turn your attention away from me."

"Lemo...?"

"Whom are you addressing!"

"I think he's talking to you dumbarse!" Andy said.

"Now, that insult wasn't appropriate. May I point out to you madam, that you can't have an arse that is smart nor dumb," Lemo told Andy, who shrugged,

"Whatever. Lets leave this hell hole Pierce," Andy said walking out the portrait, followed by a love sick Pierce,  
"Coming Mrs.-Soon-To-Be-Weasel!"

"Is it true, young man? Was the madams' accusation correct?"

"Huh?" Barry said confused.

"You were referring to me as 'Lemo' before?"

"Yea bec-"

"I believe the word is 'yes'. 'Yea' is disrespectful. Continue..."

"Um..."

"Try and refrain yourself from saying 'um'."

"Okay..."

Lemo sighed impatiently,

"Where were you taught your manners and grammatical skills?"

"My who-what now?"

"Perhaps later, we could continue this worthy discussion of manners. Unfortunately at present I would like to focus on this title 'Lemo'," Lemo wrinkled her nose in disgust, "I would prefer it if we stepped away from this 'Lemo' nonsense and you call me, perhaps by my real name?"

Barry's mouth dropped open,

"Please don't do that dear, you look ridiculous, like a fish," Lemo said gently tapping Barry's bottom jaw.

"But..."

"Never begin a sentence with 'but'"

"Lemo?"

"_Leah_ or if you prefer Miss. Roberts, they are only what you may refer to me as." And with that Lemo - I mean _Leah_ - turned on her heel and went up to the girls' dorm.

"Pardon Monsieur?"

Barry jumped a mile out of shock, and then turned to face Emo,

"Emo, since when did you speak French?"

"Parlez vous français?"

"Huh? Speak English god damn it!" Barry exclaimed this morning was really starting to become frustrating…

Emo's head hung in disapointment,

"Merdi..."She muttered before going up to the girls' dorms as well.

Barry just stood there, totally shocked and confused,

"What, the bloody hell is going on here!" Barry yelled to no one in particular.

"Gohob nafular talboo fublah goggey," Don said sympathetically from behind him, Barry jumped, yet again.

"Oh my fucking god! Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?" Barry exclaimed, something suddenly clicking in his mind. He turned and bolted up the stairs to the first year boys dorm, he burst into the room, Andrew was still sitting on his bed admiring the photo of McGonagall muttering about how 'sophisticated' and 'elegant' she was, Seamus in the middle of shaving his head, while Thomas was dancing with an invisible female.

'This is crazy..." Barry said shaking his head, just then, the bum shuffling Nick, entered the dorm,

"Hi again Barry!" Nick said happily, and then he frowned, "My butt hurts..."

"Larry? Morning Larry!" Seamus said, temporily stopped shaving.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas said seriously.

"Seamus, his name is Barry,"

"No thanks."

"What?" Nick said confused.

"Pot? No I don't need a pot..." Seamus said.

"Huh? I never said anything about a pot!"

"You never think a lot about _what_?" Seamus said looking at Nick with a look of question on his face.

"I think he's deaf..." Nick whispered to Barry.

"Beth? Sorry, I don't know a Beth..."

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas said innocently.

Barry rolled his eyes then started rummaging around in his trunk for the pants he wore at Christmas.

"Yes!" he exclaimed finding the pants, he shoved his hand in the pockets, sure enough in a back pocket his fingers closed in on a piece of paper; he pulled it out and unfolded it.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas questioned.

"What have you got there Larry?" Seamus said watching him.

"Potion thing," Barry replied distractedly.

Seamus started looking around,

"Nope, I don't hear a ring...Rick, how about you?"

"What!" Nick said.

"_How many times **do** I have to tell you_? I DON'T WANT A POT!" Seamus yelled, before stomping out of the dorm.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas said shaking his head.

Barry read the paper desperately, he was right; everyone in the Gryffindor was drugged up on Abnormality Potion…

**Hehehe another chapter! Soz took so long, 4 some reason I couldn't go into the load documents place on fanfic...**

**T.T.F.N! **


	19. Undoing Malfoy's Work

**Chapter nineteen: Undoing Malfoy's Work...**

_Abnormality Potion_

_(see over for ingredients and method...)_

_Abnormality Potion, used to change the normal, was used by Russians in the war, for confusing the enemy. Side effects: Love potion-like reaction, opposite behaviour than usual, possible break-out of hives and other random things..._

_Victims may also develop irrational fears and forgetfulness. They may go about their usual busieness, with an odd twist or perhaps completely forget who they are, both extremes can be reversed in the same way. The potion may react slower on some people._

_The most famous example of this was in 1958, The potion took a number of years to kick in, the potion was brewed and fed to a child, the potion didn't effect him until he was an adult. He went through a number of surgeries and bleached his skin. The reason for this extreme reaction was because the person was a famous muggle performer: Michael Jackson._

_Properties:_

_The potion has no smell, no texture, no color or taste. the potion can be very easily slipped into food or drink and is undetectable even with the use of magic, the only way of detecting the potion is once it digested. This form of detection is well known amongst magical health professionals._

Barry finished reading the paper, his mouth dropped open. This potion was crazy, and what was worse is that he couldn't tell if it would wear off over time, he slapped himself on the head. Of course it didn't wear off, look at Michael Jackson. What also puzzled Barry was the fact that he was normal, (for him anyway...), suddenly Lemo/Leah's words floated into his head,

'_I can't believe you don't like pumpkin juice! Everyone loves pumpkin juice!_'

"The pumpkin juice!" Barry exclaimed aloud, "Malfoy that little..."

"Juice where?" Nick asked looking around.

"Whats that got to do with the price of fish?"

"Gotta go guys! Nick kept an eye on Drew and Thomas..."

Barry dashed out of the dorm, down the stairs and into the common room. He had to go to the hospital wing and tell Madam Pomfrey, she'll know what to do, she was a 'magical health professional'. Only problem was he needed proof... Looking around desperately, he then spotted Mione in the corner crying.

"Hey, Mione what's the matter?" Mione looked up to Barry with tearful eyes,

"I can't commit to Henry!"

"Henry?"

Mione started crying all over again. Barry wondered if maybe she was abnormal too...

"Mione, who's Henry?"

"Second floor opposite charms!"

"What?"

"His strong iron arms, his mysterious face..."

Barry looked at her puzzled,

"Opposite charms?"

"I'll show you!" Mione said jumping up and dragging Barry to the portrait,

"Mione, I'm kind of busy..."

Mione took Barry all the way to Charms, opposite the door was,

"Mione, this is a suit of armor!"

"Isn't he handsome!"

"Um..."

"Oh! So sorry Barry, you're not gay, you wouldn't understand..."

"Yea...you could say that..." Barry said shrugging, "C'mon Mione lets go for a little walk."

Mione started sobbing again and waved mournfully in the suit of armors dirrection,

"Henry, it's not like that! We're just friends!"

Barry shook his head and led her to the hospital wing.

When they walked in Madam Pomfrey was making the beds,

"Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yes, Barry dear?"

"Madam Pomfrey, I think Mal- I think someone has slipped some abnormality potion into the pumpkin juice, last night!"

"Barry! How did you know about- never mind that now! Do you think she's been affected?" Pomfrey said indicating to Mione, who was crying about how Henry had give her the cold shoulder, (he's made of iron what did she expect!)

"She's crying about a suit of armor, Madam..."

"Well, that answers it doesn't it...Better check just in case..._Abnormal le poulet!_"

At Pomfrey's words a pink cloud rose above Miones head:

_'Au hasard'_

Pomfrey grimly shook her head,

"Barry, you were right!"

"Huh? What?"

"You were right!"

"Crap, hoped I wasn't...Can it be fixed?"

"Course it can! _Abnormality-kicks-ass,_" Pomfrey waved her wand, "Bring me the rest immediately!"

"But...That...What?"

"Stop, mucking about! Off you go!"

"What the hell! What am I doing here?" Mione said, looking around shocked.

"C'mon, we've got- Andy? Pierce?"

"Are they effected?" Pomfrey hissed, as if it wasn't obvious! I mean who would wear dangley feather earrings all over their body?

"Yea...What are you guys doing here?" Barry asked turning back to Andy and Pierce.

"Well, Pierce, (the dumb motherfucker...) has managed to rip- Don't raise your fucking wand at me!" Andy exclaimed angrily, while at the same time still looking slightly bored, looking at Madam Pomfrey.

"_Abnormal le poulet_!"

'_Au hasard_'

Appeared above each of their heads, Pompfrey muttered the counter curse again,

"What the fuck am I wearing! What the fuck are _you_ wearing!" Andy exclaimed looking at herself, then Pierce.

Pomfrey went to raise her wand again, but Barry stopped her,

"She's normal again...well for her anyway...C'mon guys, you got to help me round up the rest of the pack..."

**THANKS MY SPECIAL REVIEWERS! ESPECIALLY: fork-tofu-pingpong-fish! hehehe you were nearly write with the french! thank-you is: Merci and Shit is: merdi...lol The french in this one is: Le poulet: chicken and Au Hasard: random...! lol I shall update again soon! cya all! Again: I LOVE YOU REVIEWERS! hehehe hugs reviewers again**


	20. Everything's Normal ish

**Chapter twenty: Everything's Normal-ish**

"So...let me get this straight...Asshole, drugged us up on this crap," Andy said hitting the Abnormality potion method in her hand, "And I was planning on marrying him?" she jerked her head in Pierce's direction. They were on their way to the common room to get all the Gryffindors to the hospital wing.

"If by asshole you mean Malfoy, then yep. You pretty much summed it up," Barry nodded.

"That little shit! Just wait till I get my hands on that, that, that..." she rolled up her sleeves and clenched her fists, to pissed off for words.

"Andy, do you really think you could take on Malfoy _and_ his thugs?" Barry asked, eyebrows waved.

"Well, if I can't kick his ass, then I'm sure Lemo and Emo would help me. And of course Drew could help me with his beater bat..."

"I'll help pound the hell out of him!" Mione said flushed with fury.

"I wouldn't want to be Malfoy..." Pierce muttered to himself.

Madam Pomfrey sat in her office, waiting for the rest of the Gryffindors to show up. Suddenly she heard a peculiar noise coming from the corridor, it sounded as though something was being dragged along the ground. Pomfrey rose, in time to see Nick bum-shuffle in, she knew immediately he was one...

"Madam Pomfrey, Andy told me that there was a bum-shuffling competition being held here...She said I had potential!" Nick said, his chest puffing out in pride.

"_Abnormality-kicks-ass._" Pomfrey said raising her wand. Nick looked around, looking slightly startled,

"Madam Pomfrey...? Am I sick? Where am I here?"

"Don't worry dear; you're fine, head back up to your common room."

"Okay..." Nick said, still looking puzzled as he rose to his feet, as Andrew strolled in,

"Madam, I was told Professor McGonagall was terminally ill?" he looked absolutely terrified at the thought, clutching his photo of McGonagall.

"_Abnormal le poulet_?"

The sign floated above Andrew's head and Pomfrey cast the second spell. A few moments he just stood there like a stunned mullet,

"When did I get here?" he asked.

"Is he normal yet?" Andy's worried voice came from the corridor, before she poked her head into the room.

"Test him yourself," Madam Pomfrey suggested.

"Drew...what do you think of McGonagall?"

"McGonagall...?" he looked warily at Pomfrey, who suddenly became interested with a mud path on the floor, "Well...she's okay...but sometimes she came be a real bitch..."

"THAT'S THE BOYFRIEND I KNOW!" Andy exclaimed tearfully, as she leapt round the corner and flung her arms around him.

"Huh?" Andrew stood there, confused.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas asked as he entered the room, closely followed by Don,

"Floof pah koobahloo nicka noka flu," Don agreed nodding his head.

"What. The. Fuck." Andrew said looking at the pair, "What's up with them?"

"Don't worry; dear...I'm sorting it..." Pomfrey said waving her wand at Don and Thomas in turn.

"Was this some weird spell going around or something?" Andrew said with a look of extreme pain on his face, wait no...Perhaps he was just thinking hard...

"Yep," Andy said ruffling his hair fondly, "and you liked McGonagall, actually make that _obsessed_ over McGonagall..."

"I was?"

"Yep, would've cheated on me with an old lady if you got the chance," Andy said giggling, "Look at the picture in your hand."

Andrew looked,

"ARGHHHHHHH! Where did I get that!"

"Good point, where _did_ you get that?"

"My arse still hurts...I think it's bruised!" Complained Nick at dinner of a very long day. Madam Pomfrey had been working pretty hard on getting all the Gryffindors back to normal, so far nearly everyone had been 'normalised'.

"Well my arse would hurt too, if I had been bloody bum shuffling everywhere!" Lemo said as she reached for a chicken drumstick.

"You, were fucking scary too Lemo!" Barry said, so glad she was back to her old self, "We had to get Andy to change into similar clothes to you and tell you there was an 'educational debate on politics' in the hospital wing, before we could get you to go!"

"You did?" Lemo said in shock and shivered, "Just thought of it makes me itch..." As if to emphasize the point she began to itch her nose.

"Well, I don't know how Andy can still look me in the eye after what happened...I mean I was ready to give her up for our _transfiguration teacher_!"

"Forgive me for planning to marry Pierce and we're even," Andy said offering Andrew her hand.

"Deal," he said giving her a kiss on the cheek instead to seal the deal.

"Wow, you guys will never need couples counselling when you solve issues that easy..." Emo said with a laugh as she walked down the table, holding hands with Joel.

"Joey baby!" Lemo cried out.

"Uhh...hi Leah."

Lemo scowled,

"Hate that bloody name..."

"Yea, Joel came and waited outside the hospital wing for me," Emo said pretending to glare at Andy and Lemo.

"There was a predicted tidal wave in that corridor!" Lemo said in her defence.

"My boyfriend fell in love with an old lady, so of course I was hungry!" Andy said in _her_ defence.

"Hey...! I thought we were going to drop that!" Andrew protested, "I don' think that's fair! _You_ were going to _mar_-" he broke off as Andy shoved a carrot up his nose.

"I using it as an excuse doesn't actually mean I'm pissed or anything..." Andy muttered in his ear.

"And I needed a carrot up my nose because..."

"'Because you were hungry..."

Emo wrinkled her nose,

"You guys are still nuts..."

"Hey! You're not speaking French anymore!" Don exclaimed, then he spotted Jub at the Ravenclaw table, "JUBBY!" he cried.

"DONNY! YOU'VE STOP SPEAKING GIBBERISH CRAP!"

"YEP!" Then they both jumped from their places and ran to hug each other.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Lemo said slapping Barry on the back of the head, "When I became normal again, you didn't do anythi-WINSTON! _There_ you are my baby!"

Barry rolled his eyes,

"Isn't it great when your girlfriend likes her vermin more than you...?"


	21. Versus the Ravenclaws

**Chapter twenty-one: Versus the Ravenclaws**

Andy jumped out of the doors to pitch from the changing room, as Barry pulled her back in with a crook for sheparding.

"Where the hell did you get that!" Andy asked rubbing her bruised neck.

"I was with the school broomsticks..." Barry answered shrugging, as Don exclaimed,

"Yee hah!"

"What the fuck?" Emo asked giving Don a concerned look.

"You know...isn't that what the muggle cowboys use?" Don asked, now unsure.

"Uhh...no!" Andrew said shaking his head.

"Oh, my bad..."

"_Ravenclaws, step out onto the pitch! Ian...Parnapa... Purararararararararararararararararararararararara ...Ranchester...Sheep...Valentine...! Opps...I think I may have put a little too many-"_ but Bonny's words were drowned out by the Ravenclaw's screaming out their support.

_"And now the Gryffindors! We have Finnegan... Parker... Roberts... Rose... Saucepan... Watson... Weasel! (God that name **really** bugs me!)"_ Gryffindors made more noise than the Ravenclaws.

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and all the players gathered around,

"Shake hands..." she instructed.

Barry shook hands with the Cesciller girl with the long last name.

"Play ball! - Nicely" Hooch added as she released the balls.

_"Gryffindor, don't miss a beat immediately they take possession...dunno how they could improve, didn't exactly have enough time, since most of Gryffindor was in the hospital! 'Cause **Malfoy** the little weasel, drugged the pumpkin juice! Watch your back asshole...Sorry Professor! Oh! Would you look at that Gryffindor scored! Ravenclaw in position, Sheep (ha! that's sounds funny!), has the Quaffle, who passes to Ian, who passes to Valentine, who passes to Ian waiting at the goal posts...is he going to shoot? No! He passes yet again to Sheep who lines up her shot, about to throw- AND WHAT IS GRYFFINDOR KEEPER BLOODY DOING! YOU DUMB BITCH! SHE'S ABOUT TO BLOODY SCO-"_

Everyone in the stadium gasped, when they noticed what Andy had become suddenly distracted with. Several metres above her, Barry's broom flew around in a continuous circle, as though trying to shake him off. In surprise Jub/Jalayna Sheep dropped the Quaffle,

"Fuck..." she murmured, as Andy tried to fly towards Barry to get him off the broom. Andrew, Seamus and Don rushed in to help as well, as Lemo looked around desperately.

"IS ANYONE GOING TO FUCKING HELP! SHIT! CRAP! FUCK! MY BOYFRIENDS IS GOING TO DIE AT THE YOUNG AGE OF THIRTEEN! SAVE HIM! SAVE HIM, YOU RETARDED ASSHOLES! BARRY! I DON'T _REALLY_ LIKE WINSTON MORE THAN YOU! I SWEAR!" Lemo screamed frozen in fear, shaking slightly. Emo flew to her side to comfort her,

"Hey...It's going to be okay..."

_"Wow! That's one paranoid girlfriend! But then again if your boyfriend is about to fall off a broom from that height..."_

As Andy, Andrew, Seamus and Don tried to fly to help Barry, his broom would let out a squeaking noise and fly up higher, all they could do was circle hopefully underneath him - that if in case he did fall, they would be able to catch him.

In the stands, Nick looked through his binoculars with a worried expression, while beside him Mione chewed off all her nails,

"L-let me l-look..." she said shaking; reluctantly Nick passed her the binoculars. As soon as she looked through them she gasped,

"I c-can't l-look!" she then redirected the binoculars to somewhere in the opposite stands, trying to fight away the horrible view of Barry hanging by a hand on his broom. She then gasped again as she focused on Professor Snape, and not because of how greasy her new target was, but because of what he was doing...

"Nick! Snape! Jinxing! Kill! No!" She cried.

"What!"

Without another word, she leapt up and ran out of the stand.

"Chicks..." Nick muttered.

Racing up the stairs of the opposite stands' stairs, Mione thought about what she just saw: Snape was jinxing Barry's broom. '_Well there's only really one thing I can do to save Barry...break Snape's eye contact'_ she thought. Suddenly Mione remembered her jar of blue flame she always carried around, (as all teenaged book worms do...). When she reached Snape, he was still muttering his little jinx, quickly Mione opened her jar and set Snape's cloak on fire, Snape noticing he was on fire jumped up and began squealing like a girl. Mione stifled a laugh, Quirrell was nearby..._'never really liked his bullshit classes either'_ Mione thought to herself as she set Quirrell on fire too, when she heard Quirrell give an unsteady shriek she knew it was time to leave. On her way down the stairs she heard the sound of hundreds of breaths let out, obviously Barry had gotten back on his broom. She poked her head out the stand to get a good view.

Barry's world spun around and around and around and around and around and around...he couldn't focus on a blasted thing, let alone the tiny Golden Snitch!

"I'm going to be sick..." he gagged.

_"Gryffindor Seeker looks as though he's about to be sick!"_

Desperately Barry flew, rather crookedly downward, hoping to get to the ground quick enough. Then suddenly about two feet from the ground Barry fell off his broom, flat on his back - looking very pale. He then sat up and began throwing up, all over himself.

_"Yikes...I think the Gryffindor seeker is out of business for the moment..."_

No one else on the pitch did anything, all eyes were on Barry, and Lemo flew down with a wrinkled nose, to give him a hand.

"Barry...? Babe...? You okay...?" she asked cautiously.

Barry burped, leaving a very distant smell of puke,

"I'll survive...but my ass! It's bloody hurts...I squashed something..." Barry moved his ass slightly and pulled out the Golden Snitch.

"Oh my god Barry!" Lemo cried excitedly.

"I know! I mean they're the smallest thing, what is the likelihood of me landing on one of these little buggers...bloody uncomfortable you know…"

"No, Barry! We won!"

"Oh yea..."

Lemo leaned over and kissed him, then gagged,

"Didn't think that through..."

**There you go! Chappy 21! SHIT! 21 chappies! Where the hell did I get the time? Oh well, who cares? Read and Review, I'll give you a rubber chicken! and hell...I'm generous, I'll give you a rubber piggy too! I love you all! (well only the reviewers, if you read this and don't review, then SHAME ON YOU!) anyway...cya next chapter! xoxo**

_**Andy/Amba/Ambo/Am**_

**note: it's school holidays! WOOOOOOOOOT! )**


	22. Finding Winston

**Chapter twenty-two: Finding Winston...**

"Pssst...Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry! Pssst! Pssst! Pssst!" Lemo hissed into Barry's ear.

"WAKE DEAF EARS!" Andy yelled into Andrew's ear, Andrew and all the other boys in the dorm work with a start,

"What _are_ you doing, Andy!" Nick talked into his pillow.

"It's one o'clock in the morning!" Seamus muttered, bleary eyed.

"Shit! Lemo you didn't say that was the time!" Andy said accusingly.

Lemo shrugged,

"You didn't ask."

"Why did you wake us up?" Barry asked, now sitting up.

"Winston's disappeared again!" Lemo cried tearfully.

"_Again_!" Barry exclaimed, as Andrew groaned and tried to smother himself with his pillow, a snore indicated Don had gone back to sleep.

"Please, Barry! Can you help me find him?"

"Well, I guess there's no need for me to stay awake..." Andrew said innocently rolling over, with every intention of falling asleep.

"Not so fast..." Andy said heaving Andrew out of bed, "I'm not going alone with those two...Who knows if I'll come back in one piece. Their both bloody accident-prone! You saw today at the Quidditch match! Bad things happen!"

"Noooooooo! Sleep for Andrew!" Andrew moaned in protest clinging to his bed, "I sleep naked! You don't want to do that!"

"No, you don't, you sleep in boxers, because of your irrational fear of frost bite."

"Bugger, you know me too well..." Andrew sighed and climbed out bed wearing boxers which said 'One hung high'.

"That is one thing you should never write on a pair of boxers..." Lemo said, "Now up you get!"

"I've got nothing on!" Barry exclaimed desperately.

"I'm not as sure as Andy...but I think it's a risk we're going to have to take..."

"Ewww! Lemo! I don't-"

"Winston needs us!" Lemo whispered, determined.

"I'm cold!" Andy complained.

"Hey, I'm only in boxers - be grateful!" Andrew said shivering slightly.

"You could've put a dressing gown on you know!" Andy said giving him a hug to try a warm him up.

"Well, I didn't think of that did I?"

"Then it's your own fault!"

"Thanks for your sympathy..."

"No problem. Do you think Barry and Lemo are having any luck?"

"Dunno, maybe they've gone back to the common room already..."

"Drew, it's been only five minutes! Lemo's more determined than that!"

"_Maybe_ they went and found the suit of armour Lemo created a room in, to have a little fun," Andrew said laughing and nudging Andy.

"Oh god, you really are a horny teenage guy! Your sick minded! Lemo wouldn't be doing that either! She's definitely looking for Winston..."

"Awwww...but you love me!"

"Yea...sure I do..."

Andrew pretended to look put out,

"You hurt my feelings!"

"Awww...poor baby!" Andy said ruffling his hair.

Andrew suddenly froze,

"Hey Am..."

"Ya?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Suddenly, what sounded like Malfoy's voice spoke from the end of the corridor, he was speaking to a mirror,  
"I'm not bullshitting you, father! I did drug the pumpkin juice _and_ the school did nothing about it...Yep nothing...No…Yes...Perhaps...About quater past one...Yea Barry and his girlfriend are wandering the corridors...Not much really, kind of the Goth type...Yea, they're friends with the tall asshole and his chick...He's got a mouth on him like a trooper and is lethal with his beater bat...she's a politically correct con-artist when she wants to be...No...Probably only a detention...I dunno..."

Malfoy walked into a nearby classroom.

"C'mon..." Andrew said dragging Andy after him.

"What are doing? Are you nuts!" Andy hissed.

They were now beside the door Malfoy had just walked through; Andrew raised his finger to his lips, then grabbed the door knob and shut the door, then whispered "_Colloportus_". From inside they heard Malfoy say,

"Talk to you later father...No its fine just tired after all the evil plotting..."

They heard footsteps as Malfoy walked towards the door, then tried to turn the door knob,

"What the hell? Who's there? Saucepan? Roberts? Did you lock the fucking door? Unlock it now! I demand you!"

Andy and Andrew cracked up laughing, and then turned to leave, when they came face to face with Filth, I mean Filtch...

"Well, well...Out of bed now are we? What are you up to, love birds? Innocent I hope..."

"Well what we were doing has nothing to with actually..."

"Well, that doesn't sound innocent," Filtch said with an evil smile, "And doesn't look innocent either..." he said eyeing Andrew's boxers and no t-shirt state.

"Who said it was innocent?" Andrew said, returning the evil smile.

"Step aside," Filtch said, ignoring Andrew.

"No."

"Move."

"No."

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" Malfoy yelled from inside the room.

"Never keeps his bloody trap shut..." Andrew said shaking his head, while stepping aside.

Barry sighed,

"Lemo, we have looked everywhere! I say we go to bed and look for him again in the morning. Hey! Maybe Drew and Andy have already found him and are waiting for us back in the common room!"

Lemo sniffed,

"I don't think so..."

"Maybe Winston's in your bed waiting for you now?"

"I don't think so..."

"Hey, c'mon Lemo! I'll help you look in the morning. We're both tired and it's getting us no where...lets go back to the common room-"

"Winston!" Lemo cried excitedly, spotting Winston tucked away cosily at a suit of armours feet, "Baby! Mummy missed you!" she said happily scooping the alarmed Weasel into her arms.

"Yay! Winston your back! Now let's go celebrate in the warm common room..." Barry said trying to push Lemo in the direction of the Gryffindor common room.

"No! Barry, we gotta go find Andy and Andrew!"

Barry sighed,

"Lemo, they've probably already given up!"

Lemo shook her head,

"Andy wouldn't give up after only ten minutes! We have to go find them!" Lemo grabbed Barry's hand and pulled him in the opposite direction to the common room.

"Oh! This night gets better and better doesn't it?" Filtch sneered, "_Another_ pair of lovebirds? Gone for a romantic midnight stroll, have we? _Or_ were planning on doing what I caught the other pair doing?"

Barry and Lemo exchanged confused glances,

"Andrew and Andy? I wouldn't think..." Lemo muttered.

"What was that? You can tell me on the way to the nearest teachers' office..." Filtch laughed a rusty laugh.

"I can't believe it! _Five_ students out of bed at _one_ in-"

"I believe it's half past Minerva!" Filtch corrected gleefully - he looked as though Christmas had come early.

"_One thirty in the morning!_ That's appalling! And according to Filtch, a pair of you were-"

This time Andrew interrupted,

"Professor McGonagall, we weren't doing anything like that! Filtch has a sick mind! He used his pathetic logic skills to come up with the wrong bloody conclusion!"

"Watson, that's enough!" McGonagall said sternly as Filtch growled at Andrew, "I have to say the situation does look dodgy, I mean Watson you don't have a t-shirt...and Rose your hair is unusually ruffled..."

Andrew looked furious,

"Professor, I swear, we didn't do anything!"

"Yea, Andrew and Andy aren't the type!" Barry said helping defend them.

"Well," Malfoy spoke for the first time, "I have to say when I walked into a classroom ten minutes before you found me, and they looked awfully cosy. _Being on top each other and everything._ As for Saucepan and Roberts, they didn't even bother to get a room..."

Andrew and Lemo instantly grabbed Barry and Andy as they tried to attack, (or more accurately, kill...) Malfoy.

"Is that true? You four?"

"NO!" Lemo, Barry, Andrew and Andy all cried in disgust.

"What were you really doing then?"

"Well, Professor, I have this Weasel..."

Filtch perked up,

"Minerva, I believe we only allow cats, frogs and owls as pets here at Hogwarts..."

"Never mind that now, Filtch. Carry on Roberts."

"Yea...Well he always escapes. And he escaped earlier and I asked my friends to help me find him, and that's what we were doing...looking for Winston!" Lemo said clutching Winston, almost strangling him. Barry gently loosened Lemo grip on the poor Weasel's neck.

"That wasn't what I _saw_ Professor..." Malfoy drawled.

"You obviously don't wish to live do you!" Andy yelled glaring at Malfoy as Andrew restrained her, "Telling a load of bullshit, just to take the heat off why you were out of bed! Go on tell them! Tell them, that you were gloating to your father how you drugged the pumpkin juice and getting off scot free. You no what Dracola Malfoy? You are a sad pathetic asshole! YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

"You all will be receiving detentions. Since we have no proof that any of the stories are true, you will each receive only one...be grateful!" Professor McGonagall said nostrils flaring.

"But, Professor I saw them! All of them were doing it!"

"Are you accusing us of having a quadruple-some or whatever it is, now?" Barry said furiously.

"ALL OF YOU ENOUGH! INCLUDING YOU, MALFOY. YOU DON'T SEEM TO THINK THE RULES APPLY TO YOU BUT I BELIEVE THEY DO!" McGonagall yelled chest heaving, "NOW GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO BED!"

All the students exchanged looks and walked out the door.

Once out earshot of the people in the office, Malfoy smiled a triumphant smile,

"Well, that was fun wasn't it?" His expression suddenly changed as Lemo yelled,

"Back me up Andy!" as she and Andy threw themselves at him, tackling him and pinning him to the ground. They then proceeded to yell at him.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Lemo screamed in an educated way, as she went to pack a punch, but out of shear fustration, missed.

"Hey, McGonagall said asses!" Barry said giving a nervous laugh from the sidelines.

"Shut-up about McGonagall! Barry, our girlfriends will be up for murder if we don't stop them!" Andrew said, as he tried to pry Andy away from Malfoy.

Barry yanked Lemo off Malfoy,

"Let him go..."

"Bugger off Barry!"

"Lemo don't talk to me like that!"

"Piss off sweetheart, while I kick this asswipes behind!" Lemo said sweetly.

Barry tugged once more, at the same time as Andrew, giving Malfoy enough space to run. At super human speed Malfoy turned and ran, giving them a back glance with a panicked expression.

"Argh fuck!" he screamed running squarely into a wall, he quickly recovered and ran faster - if that was possible.

"Wow, he was eager to leave..." Andy muttered.

"Lemo...you were scary..." Barry said looking at her in a mixture of admiration and fright.

Lemo blushed,

"He really pushed me to far..."

"Barry, you have your hands full looking after Lemo! All Andy does is hold em down!" Andrew joked.

"I hope your joking buddy; I could kick anyone's ass if I wanted to!" Andy said laughing.

"C'mon guys, I'm cold let's go to bed..." Barry said walking in the direction of the common room.

"Hey...guys...?" Lemo asked, looking at Andrew and Andy, "You weren't really doing anything were you?"

"Hell no!" Andy exclaimed.

"Or were we?" Andrew said shifting his eyes, Andy gave him a playfull hit on the shoulder,

"He's really starting to think dirty! I might have to drop him!" Andy said.

"Nooooooooooo! I'll change! I'll keep my rude comments to myself from now on!" Andrew said pretending to zip his mouth.

"Yea...you better pigboy!" Lemo said trying to look stern, "'Cause if Andy doesn't tell you off, I will! And you just saw what I can do!"

**Hey again! Made it pretty long this chappy! Thanx to: ****hermionebabe06****I am a Banana**** (thanks 4 the marshmellow btw...hehe) and Of course my dear friends 4eva-lost and Lemo The Lemon...!**


	23. A Picnic With Pie and Eavesdropping

**Chapter twenty-three: A Picnic With Pie and a Bit of Eavesdropping**

"So...let me get this straight...You guys all left to look for Winston at one o'clock in the morning, got caught, got detentions and Filtch accused Andy and Drew of having sex on school grounds _at one o'clock in the morning_. **And** then Malfoy backed him up claiming he saw you two, and Lemo and Barry...That's what happened?" Mione asked trying to make sure she had the story right.

"Yep," Barry said shoving a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

"Guys! You're lucky you only got one detention!"

"Yep."

"Why didn't you ask me to come!" Emo asked accusingly.

"You were asleep; you'd bite off our heads if we woke you!" Andy said throwing a piece of French toast, aiming for Andrews' mouth.

"True..." Emo nodded.

"Nice shot!" Andrew said sarcastically as the French toast hit him on the nose.

"Now, your stupidity from last night aside-" Mione began.

"Stupidity! Winston went missing! What kind of parent would not look for her weasel when he goes missing!" Lemo said looking horrified.

"Lemo...you know what I mean..." Mione said sighing, "Anyway, we have to keep an eye on Snape. He's up to something. A Hogwarts teacher doesn't go jinxing a students broom unless he has his reasons..."

"Do you know what I thi-" Nick began, before he was interrupted by Barry,

"Lemo, do you want to go for a picnic today, at lunch?"

"Sure!" Lemo said excitedly, "Will there be pie?"

"I'll try to organise that..."

"YAY!"

"Uhhh, as I was sayi-"

"Can you pass the salt Nick?" Don interrupted.

"Yea here. Now I think tha-"

"That's the pepper, can I have the _salt_."

"_Here_. Can I-"

"What do we have first period?" Emo asked.

"I dunno...But like I've-"

"Can-" Don began.

"CAN WE ALL SHUT UP AND LISTEN NICK, GOD DAMN IT!" Mione cried impatiently, watching poor Nick struggle to say what he wanted to say. Everyone froze and stopped talking, everyone in the Great Hall.

"Opps...You lot don't to listen..." Mione mumbled glowing bright red.

Suddenly the clatter and clinging of cutlery and plates sounded and people began talking again.

"Now Nick, as you were saying..."

"Uhh, well I think that Snape's after the Ugly Rock. I mean he's tried to get past Fluffy, because he got bitten. He tried to jinx Barry at the match, so that proves he's evil..." Nicks' voice trailed off.

"Hey, Nick has a good point!" Lemo said thoughtfully.

"It does make sense..." Mione said, also thinking.

"But why?" Andrew asked.

"Why what?"

"Why would Snape want the stone?"

"Duh! It changes crap into gold!" Barry said.

"Oh yea..."

"Yea!"

"Well then I guess we better keep a close eye on Snape then," Mione said.

"Yep, after tomorrow," Lemo agreed nodding.

"Tomorrow?"

"Ya, I have a picnic to attend and detention later on..."

"Wooooooooooooooooooooooot! You got the pie!"

"Yep," Barry said smiling, as Lemo eyes lit up at the sight of pie.

"That's a sign of a real man!" Lemo said flinging her arms around...Winston, "Aye my buddy? Your sort-of-Daddy is a real man! Yes he is! Yes he is!"

Barry tried not to feel jealous of the bloody vermin, the little bugger did tend to annoy him - it was his fault after all that he had gotten a detention...

"So, you brought Winston to the picnic?" Barry asked, even though the answer was rather obvious.

"Of cour-" her voice suddenly dropped to a whisper, "Barry listen!"

"What?" Barry asked loudly.

"Shhhh! Listen!"

Barry listened hard, trying to hear what she was on about, hoping it wasn't Winston suposedly talking again...and then he heard it, a voice he despised - Snape,

"Quirrell, you don't want me as an enemy."

"D-don't know w-what you m-mean..."

"O-of c-course y-you b-bloody k-know w-what I-I m-m-mean," Snape mocked Quirrell stutter.

"S-severus..."

"You'll soon realise whose side you really are on and trust me it's not his."

"I-I have n-no idea w-what your m-meaning..."

"Crap. Utter crap. You don't want to be enemies with me Quirrell, be careful."

"I r-really don't k-know..."

"How much do you know?"  
"N-nothing! I s-swear!"

"Do you know how to get past Hagrids beast?"

"I-I..."

"Your pathetic," Snape sneered, "I'll check up on you later..."

And then Barry and Lemo heard the swish of a cloak as Snape moved away from where Snape and Quirrell were talking. A few moments later Quirrell appeared out of the edge of the forest, looking ruffled and frightened. Lemo and Barry exchanged looks,

"Looks as though Snape's getting nasty!" Lemo said looking at Quirrell with a worried expression.

"Lemo, do you know what this means!"

"Uhhh...Nick was right?"

"Yes! And Snape's using Quirrell to get more information on how to get past Fluffy and..." Barry gasped, "Of course! There's got to be other things guarding the Ugly Rock! Like enchantments! That makes sense! Dumbledore got the teachers to cast spells and shit to protect the rock, Snape must be having trouble getting past whatever thing Quirrell did!" Barry smiled, proud of himself.

"Aww! Ain't Saucey a genius!" Lemo said to Winston.

_That blasted Weasel..._

**OMG! It's two and the morning and I've finished writing this! Yay! chapter twenty-three! I did it! I did it! sleep now...thunk Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz**


	24. Detention in the Forest

**Chapter twenty-four: Detention in the Forest**

"Snape's just a big...BULLY!" Andy exclaimed in Herbiology as she passed her trowel to Nick, "Well, what can we do?"

Barry shrugged,

"I guess at the moment all we can do is hope Quirrell doesn't give in to Snape," Barry said as he trimmed a hideous looking plant.

"Well that sounded-"

"Andrew..." Andy said warningly.

Andrew shrugged,

"Now, she can read my bloody mind!"

Don looked from Andy and Andrew, no idea what they were on about,

"Anyway...If the safety of the rock depends on Quirrell, well then we're screwed!"

Mione's mouth dropped open,

"Don! That is so negative! You should try and have some faith in Quirrell!"

"S-sorry M-miss R-ranger, I-I-I'll t-try a-and b-be m-more p-p-positive!" Don said with Quirrell's stutter, as a pair of hands covered his eyes.  
"Argh! Argh! One of those plants with hands! Their trying to strangle me! Guys, help! I can't, can't breathe!" Don squealed, convinced a plant had tried to attack him...until Jub began giggling,

"Oh it's you! Not an ugly evil plant out to get me!" Don said happily.

Jub laughed again,

"Course not Donny! Can you come give me a hand?"

"Sure!"

"C'mon on then, hi guys!" Jub said looking at Mione, Andy, Andrew, Barry, Nick and Lemo.

"Should we tell her, that Don was dead serious when he thought it was an evil plant?" Andrew said laughing.

"Yea! C'mon!" Andy said, then pretended to go after them, "Nah, it would wound his ego..."

"Barry, are you sure we were supposed to come here for our detentions?" Lemo asked nervously as they waited in the Great Hall, for whoever was going to do the detention.

"Yea, it's what the letter said..."

"Is that all of you?" Filtch asked, with a gleeful smile.

"Yea. What are we going to do for our detention?" Andrew asked.

"You'll see..." Filtch's happiness was too much to bear. They followed him out of the Great Hall and lead them towards the forest, but when they thought he was going to enter the forest, he didn't. Instead he walked up to the house on the edge of the forest. The house of Rubeus Hagrid. From the inside they could hear the growling sounds of Nose, his dog.

"'at yer Filtch?" Hagrid called after FIltch had knocked on his door.

"Yes, Hagrid. I've bought the children for their detention; I'll be back at dawn for what's left of them..."

Andrew gulped,

"What's left of us?"

"Oka' then, cya then!" Hagrid said opening his door and stepping out.

Filtch let out a laugh before turning and heading back for the Castle.

"Now, we're goin' ter look in ther fores' for an injur'd unicor'"

"W-wait, we c-can't go i-into the forest! There are monsters in there! My father-"

"Enuf Malfoy, yer fath'r will tell yer it yer own stupi' faul' fer breakin' the rules!" Hagrid said, "Now, as me was sayin' we're goin' to go put an injur'd unicor' outta it's misery...Follo' me..."

Squeezing each others hands, Barry, Lemo, Andrew and Andy followed Hagrid, with a terrified Malfoy following behind them.

"Now we're goin' to slip inta grou's...Saucepan an' Watson will go wit Nose, an' Rose, Malfoy an' Rober's will go wit me. Nose's grou' go to the lef' and we'll go to the right...If there a prob'em sen' up sparks wit yer wands..."

For what seemed like hours, Barry and Andrew followed the path with Nose panting along aside them.

"He deliberately kept us away from the girls, you know..." Barry pointed out.

"I know, but like we'd do anything in the forest. I mean how horny do they think we are!"

""Head. Gutter. Out. Andy's right, you think of the dirtiest first, I was meaning because he wanted us to enjoy ourselves less. You know, seperate us from someone we're good friends with..."

"Oh, shit, lucky Am's not here then..."

Barry shook his head,

"Andrew, how does Andy put up with you?"

"Hey! I'll have you know - ARGH!"

"Wha - FUCK!"

Ahead of them in the clearing lay the unicorn. Hovering over it a hooded figure drank its blood, blood dribbling down its chin.

"HOLY CRAP! RUN!" Andrew screamed, but they were both were frozen in fear as the figure rose and made its way over towards them. Suddenly out of nowhere a half horse, half bird _thing_ ran into the clearing. Barry dropped to his knees, as red hot pain seared through his wishbone scar, Andrew looked on helplessly, as the half horse, and half bird attacked the figure, pushing him away from the boys. Eventually the figure left and Barry's scar became normal - painless. After doing what he needed to do, the half horse, half bird ran out of the clearing.

"Whoa, dude what happened to you?" Andrew asked concerned.

"I-I don't know..."

"Shit, well we better get Hagrid," Andrew said helping Barry up.

"BARRY!" Lemo cried running and throwing herself at him, closely followed by a rushing Hagrid, ("Slow dow' Rober's!") then Andy, and then the unconcerned - if not _bored_ Malfoy.

"Andrew! You and Barry could've _died_!" Andy said sobbing into his shoulder.

The trip up to the castle was quiet, except for Andy's now ceasing sobbing, but what news waited for them wasn't much better than the hooded figure from the forest...

"WHAT!" Lemo yelled as McGonagall told her the news, "He can't Professor!"

"Miss. Roberts he can and apparently he will..."

"But why!"

"Watson, I have a vague idea why, but that can't be help. Saucepan will have to catch the Snitch early, so Professor Snape can't favour Slytherin to much..."

"But, Professor not only is he going to favor Slytherin, he will jinx Barry's broom again!"

"Shortbottom, that's nonsense!"

"No, but its true Professor! I know a jinx when I see one, you have to keep eye-contact and Snapes bug eyes weren't blinking!"

"Ranger...why would Professor Snape-"

"There's a number of reasons. But think of it this way, who else would be capable of jinxing a broom?"

"Well..."

"Professor, Snape can't referee!"

"_Professor_ Snape, Rose. And I'm sorry but Professor Snape is refereeing and there's nothing we can do about it."

Lemo crossed her arms stubbornly across her chest, Andy soon followed suit,

"Well then, we're not playing then!"

"Enough! You both will be playing, regardless of whether Professor Snape is referee, and you'll both be happy about it! Now I recommend getting a good night sleep before the big game tomorrow morning!" And on that note, McGonagall turned on her heel and walked out of the common room.

"Well, that bloody sucks..."

**Tata munchkins! Thanx to my reviewers! Make sure you review again! ;) **

**Luv ya,**

**Amber/Amba/Ambo/Andy/Anderson**


	25. Plan of Action

**Chapter twenty-five: Plan of Action**

"And the blood was dripping from his mouth and-" Barry was saying in the Gryffindor common room, late that night - very late. Mione gasped and interrupted,

"Barry! Do you know what unicorn is used for!"

Andrew sat bolt upright, and his hand flew up into the air, almost disturbing the sleeping Andy,

"Oh oh! I know this one!"

"Tell him Drew..." Mione said approvingly.

"Isn't it used for shoe polish?" Don asked before Andrew could answer.

"No! It's used for keeping people alive, even if their inches from death. Except, you only live a half life! God Don, open a book!" Mione said impatiently, while Andrew disappointed that he didn't get to answer the question.

"So...the creature was dying?"

Mione nodded,

"It's obviously trying to stay alive, probably so it could survive long enough to get something-" she gasped again, "Barry! Snape! He's after the rock for its use of making the exlir of life! So he can become immortal! No! Not him...Barry! He's getting the rock for You-Know-Who!"

Everyone gasped.

"How the hell do you do that!" Nick asked amazed.

Mione shrugged, looking proud of herself. Suddenly Barry got up and started pacing,

"With this information, we _have_ to go see Dumbledore immediately-"

"Barry, we can't remember! Dumbledore said at breakfast that he was leaving on important ministry business!"

"Fuck!"

"Why would the ministry need to see Dumbledore?" Andrew asked.

"Well, its obvious isn't it?" Andy murmured into Andrew chest, Andrew jumped,

"Shit! Am you scared the hell out of me! I thought you were asleep!"

"Sorry, Drew, but isn't it a bit of a coincidence that the rock is in danger, then _suddenly_ Dumbledore is needed for the ministry? I think the ministry will be a little surprised to have Dumbledore show up for sure..."

"I think it would be a surprise for anyone if an old man with that bloody unnerving twinkle in his eye showed up - called for or not..." Don said laughing, everyone looked at him,

"That was mean," Lemo said folding her arms. Everyone looked at Barry who was processing all the information,  
"Well I guess there's only one thing to do..." he muttered.

"And what's that Barry?"

"Get the rock before Snape."

Mione gasped,

"But Barry! You-Know-Who could be with him!"

"Well I was lucky once...maybe I'll be lucky again," he said pointing to his scar.

Lemo threw her arms around him,

"I'm coming with you!"

"And I will too mate," Andrew said.

"So will I," Mione said looking pale.

"And me," Don said.

"And-" Emo began.

"Wait, wait! _All_ of you can't go! There's no way we'll go to the third floor unnoticed if all of us come!"

"Well I guess I'm not much help if I come..." Nick said.

"Same," Andy, Lemo and Emo said at the same time.  
"No! Lemo you have to come, we saw you kick Malfoy's ass, we need you to come!" Andrew said.

"Aww, does Drew need protecting from the evil over grown bat?" Lemo said in a baby voice.

"Yes."

"Ok, I'll come! I feel so loved!" Lemo said.

"If Lemo's going, I'm going!" Andy declared.

"Well Andy your charm skills would come in handy for Flitwicks thing..."

"Am, can't you stay behind?" Andrew said worried.

"Drew I'm coming," Andy said firmly, "I can look after myself."

Andrew nodded, but still looked worried.

"Mione, you coming?" Barry asked.

""Definitely."

"Well then, Don I want you to send an owl to Dumbledore, then try and tell McGonagall what's happening - Emo you help."

Don nodded, then saluted,  
"Sure thing boss, and all of you look after yourselves..."

**Hope your enjoying the story: )**

** Andy **


	26. Through the Trapdoor

**Chapter twenty-six: Through the Trapdoor**

Sprinting silently through the castle, Lemo, Andy, Barry, Andrew and Mione rushed to the third floor. Ducking into shadows and dodging between suits of armour, they were making great time.

"_Alohomora!_" Mione unlocked the door and everyone burst through the doors, and came face to face once again with Fluffy.

"Oh crap!" Andrew cursed, "How the hell are we supposed to get past _her_!"

Everyone gave a defeated sigh, all except Lemo,

"Of course!" she said, she then began singing, "When the moon hits your eye like you've had too much wine, that's a moray? When the bells ding a ling ling, that's a-"

"Lemo what the fuck are you doing?" Barry asked as Fluffy's growl began to cease.

Understanding Lemo's odd flapping as she sung, Andrew and Andy began singing too.

"What the hell? Guys...?" Mione asked looking unusually confused.

"Barry, my aunt, she had a cat like this and the only way of getting it to calm down was sing to it or play it music! Sometimes, if you've got good music, you can even send it to sleep!"

The others nodded understanding, they watched as Fluffy's heads banged to Andrew's and Andy's singing,

"What are Andy and Drew singing?" Mione asked curiously, as Lemo danced, in spite of the situation.

"_It's a violent pornography! Choking chicks and sodemy! The kind of **shit** you get on the T.V!_" they sang.

Lemo paused her dancing,

"It's by a muggle band called System of a Down," she said.

"Oh..." Mione said, slightly disturbed by the lyrics.

Barry laughed,

"Fluffly seems to like it! Now guys keep singing. Mione and I will try and find the trapdoor..."

"Well its right there Barry!" Mione said pointing at the hard to miss trapdoor.

"Oh...I knew that..."

"Well, who wants to go first?" Lemo asked, still dancing to Andrew's and Andy's not bad singing, (or more correctly, _Andrew's_ not bad singing. Andy sounded like a cat in pain - maybe it was on purpose though...)

"I'll go," Barry offered, "Now, if it's dangerous, don't follow! Go help Don get Dumbledore, okay?"

They all nodded,

"Good."

Barry pulled the knob of the trapdoor, the smell of damp and dust flooded his nose.

"Well...that smells like crap..." He held his breath and jumped, cool air rushed past him as he fell, and fell, and fell, and fell...until he landed on a soft plant thing.

"Guys...! It's sweet to jump! A soft squishy thing breaks your fall!" he called up into the pin prick of light at the top from which he had jumped.

"Clear the way!" Andrew called as he jumped, he too took awhile to land, halfway down he said, "Well, this is a tad long winded..." Soon after he landed with a soft thump next to Barry. Next came Andy, screaming the whole way, " ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she took a deep breath, "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Another breath, " ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" her last scream broke off as she landed next to Andrew,

"You okay, babe?"

"Yea, I'm all good..."

Mione fell silently and calmly, and landed next to them. For a few seconds the group just sat there,

"Hey Mione, when's Lemo coming down?" Barry asked.

"Oh, she's not coming she decided to stay up top and keep Fluffy calm - you know in case Dumbledore needs to come through the trap door..."

"Oh, alright..." Barry said sounding slightly put out.

They sat silently for a few seconds, the only noise was Lemo's distant singing of System of a Down, her voice already becoming hoarse, Mione shook her head,  
"I told her choose a singing style that didn't involve a lot of yelling, she going to lose her voice soon..."

"Well, I guess, we better get going again," Barry said finally, then went to move; only he couldn't. Neither could the others.

"Hey! I can't move!" Andrew complained.

"Oh shit! This is Devils Snare!" Mione cried.

"Oh great! That clears everything up! I'll be able to sleep at night knowing we are currently being held captive be _Devil Snare!_" Andrew said sarcastically.

"What are we going to do? What are we going to do!" Andy said, beginning to hyperventilate, absolutely terrified of plants, "Quick do something!"

"Well..." Mione said desperately opening every filing cabinet in her head, looking for the way of escaping Devil Snare..."Ummmm...Devil Snare, Devil Snare is deadly fun...but..."

Suddenly Lemo's voice came from above,  
"You are my sunshine! My only sunshine! You make me happpppppppppppppy...When skies are grey!"

"Will malt in the sun! Of course! I need to light a fire! Fuck! Where's the wood!" Mione cried looking around.

"MIONE, YOU'RE FUCKING WITCH AREN'T YOU!" Barry yelled, Mione blushed,

"My bad..." she grabbed her wand and muttered the spell for the blue flame and aimed it at the plant, immediately the plant's grip on them loosened and the fell through it onto a hard stone floor.

"Ow..." Andrew muttered rubbing his bruised wrists; Andy was still taking raspy breaths,

"Almost...met...same...end...as...Aunt...Beth..." she wheezed.

"_Another_ aunt killed by plants!" Barry said amazed.

"Yea...They...were...twin...herbiologists..."

"Oh. Moving on..." Barry said quickly walking over the door nearby, "I'm assuming this is where we go next..." he turned the knob to door, not knowing what lay ahead...


	27. Confusion, Singing and Unfortunate Crap

**Chapter twenty-seven: Confusion, Singing and Other Unfortunate Crap**

Barry pushed open the door revealing an empty room,

"Looks like full steam ahead!" Andrew said happily, he stepped out of the previous room, but as soon as his foot stepped out into the new mysterious room, his smile disappeared, replaced with a face of pure horror.

"Drew? You okay?" Andy asked concerned, stepping out into the room, her face to changed to terror. Andrew dropped to his knees, his hands gripping his hair; tears were streaming down his face,

"I didn't do it! I swear I didn't mean to!" he cried, while Andy by his side screamed,

"Please make him stop! Stop!" she was clutching her side, doubled over in pain. At the door Barry watched on, not knowing what was putting them through all the pain,

"Mione! What's happening to them!" But Mione wasn't looking at Andy and Andrew; she was looking at the door frame, "Mione! Now is not the time to examine the bloody doorway!"

"No, Barry, it's fine! Andy and Andrew are fine!" she pulled Barry through the door; Barry braced himself for pain, but was surprised when he felt no different. He looked up, to see Andrew hugging a crying Andy,

"Mione, I thought Andy and Drew were fine!"

"Barry, we're fine! But heck, we were worried about you! What happened!"

"Huh?"

"You guys were in heaps of pain, well it looked like it...That's why Am's crying..." Andrew said looking confused.

Mione smiled smugly,

"The doorframe is jinxed! It's jinxed, so that if you're travelling in groups down here, you'll see the people ahead of you in extreme pain and - in theory - will turn back...And the people ahead, see the people behind them in pain as well! If you're flying solo, you just see a brick wall!"

"Hear that Am...? Their fine!"

"Oh thank fucking god!" she said, wiping her eyes.

"Moving on I guess..." Barry said indicating to the door on the other side of the room.

"Suppose..."

They walked briskly over to the door, and tried to turn the knob - only it didn't budge.

"Fuck! We come all this bloody way and-"

"Drew wait a minute..." Mione interrupted, "_Alohomora!_ Now try Barry..."

Barry tried to open the door once more, this time a neatly folded note popped out,

"Huh?" he said as he grabbed the note and unfolded it,

_Did you really think that would work, you dumbshits! I teach my **first years** that crap! Go back to where you came from and stop trying to nick the bloody rock! Ugly fuckers..._

_ Have a good day. _

Everyone looked at the note, mouths open,

"Well...that was polite..." Barry said.  
"Continue with what you were saying Drew..."

"Fuck! We come all this bloody way and then we have to go back-"

"Wait! Guys! Look!" Andy said pointing upwards, and there at the very top of the ceiling, was floating a key.

"Well spotted Andy!" Barry said excitedly, and then he frowned, "Now what?"

"Hey, you're the flyers!" Mione said sitting down on the floor.

"Well, what good is that going to do when we don't have a broom!" Andrew asked.

"Dunno, but I've saved our behinds twice in here, you guys try and solve this one. I have no idea what to do..."

"Aww crap!" Barry said looking at how high it was.

Andy raised her hand up towards the key,

"Come to me!" she pulled an odd face, "Come I say!" she continued to pull the face, "Get your ass down here! - Please...?"

The key didn't budge. Andy shrugged,

"It was worth a try..."

They all sat down gloomily on the floor,

"Now what?" Andrew said glumly.

Andy looked around the down group,

"Sing of course! Umm...let's see what shall I sing? _Oh bother, I knew it! I'm going to be late again! Oh bother, I knew it! I haven't been early since...I don't remember when, haven't been early since I don't when! I remember the time but forget the date! Something, something _-"

"Am, is that from Alice and Wonderland?" Andrew said brightening a little.

"Yea!"

Andrew let out a small smile,

"I used to love that film when I was a kid; The Mad Hatter was my favourite…"

Barry nodded,

"And the March Hare!"

"You're all wrong! The rabbit was the best!"

"_It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad tea party!_" Andy sang.

Barry laughed, "I remember when you and Lemo were singing that when we got off the train!"

"Yea!" Andy laughed too.

"What? What was so funny?" Andrew said looking back and forth between Barry and Andy.  
"Didn't you hear about the tea party they had on the train?" Mione asked.

"Oh yea! I heard about that! They were-" All of their eyes grew round,

"LEVITATING!"

Barry smacked himself on the head,

"Why didn't we think of that? Go on up you go..."

Andy suddenly grew pale; Barry's hopeful smile disappeared,

"You do still remember how to do it, don't you?"

"Yea..."

"Then what's the problem?"

Andy looked away and mumbled something.

"What?"

"I'm afraid of heights..." she said quietly.

"_You're afraid of heights and you're a bloody **Quidditch** player!_" Barry cried in disbelief, as Andy hung her head.

"Bullshit!"

Andrew glared at Barry,

"Hey, if she says she's afraid of heights she's not lying!"

"But..." Barry spluttered, "She plays Quidditch!"

"Yea, that's because I'm holding onto something and it's something I'm confident in. I'm not so confident with levitating..."

"Well, she knows the charm, can't she just cast it on one of us and one of us goes up there?" Andrew suggested.

"No, it's damn near impossible to control your directions if your not used to levitating," Barry said irritably, "Believe I've tried, but Andy's an expert, I don't know why she's not confident about it..."

"Hey, Barry back off, she can't help it if _she can't do it_!"

"Sorry, Drew, but yea I guess you're right if _she can't do it_..."

Andy's eyes flashed as Andrew and Barry continued to discuss the problem,

"_Levitanté_," she muttered as she slowly began to rise into the air. Andrew and Barry exchanged knowing glances, Mione figured out what they had done and slapped both on the back of the head,

"Assholes..."

Andy was gathering speed as she rose higher and higher towards the roof - closer to the key.

It wasn't long before she reached the key and grabbed it,

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she yelled, her voice echoing in the large room, she did several somersaults in the air before landing softly on the ground.

"Here Barry, the key!" she said grinning.


	28. A Dose of Sleeping Powder

**Chapter twenty-eight: A Dose of Sleeping Powder**

"What next?" Barry asked nervously, peering into the next room, it looked clear - but they knew better than to think that...

"There's nothing there..." Andrew said, but still didn't step out into the room.

"Well, bags not stepping out first!" Barry said, his thumb flying up to his forehead.

Andrew looked at him,

"That's so imma-"

"Bags not!" Mione interrupted.

"_I'll_ go first!" Andy offered, "I'm probably the less needed one among us..."

"Andy that's not true..." Mione began.

"Shh! Just let her go first!" Barry said.

"Nice..." Andrew said glaring at him.

"Hey it's no problem, Drew..." Andy stepped out into the room, immediately she dropped to the ground.

"Holy crap! It killed her!" Andrew yelled, without thinking he ran into the room and rolled her over onto her back, "Wait, no she's breathing..."

"She is? Oh good!" Barry said happily.

"What's wrong with her is she unconcious?" Mione asked stepping into the room too, since nothing had happened to Andrew.  
"She's...sleeping!" Andrew said looking at her face closely.

"What?" Barry cried, "Yea...typical, 'We could get killed any moment now...let's take a nap!'"

"Oh my god!" Mione exclaimed.

"What?"

"Andy's under a sleeping spell!" she continued to exclaim.

Andrew looked at her,

"May I quote: 'No shit Sherlock, go tell Watson!'"

"Yea, but it's one of those whats-a-me-call-it! Umm-"

"Thanks for that Mione, really cleared it all up for me!"

Mione glared at Andrew,

"If you'll let me finish...Ummm...I can't remember, but what it does is, the first person to enter a forbidden room each hour get a dose of this sleep power! Of course the powder can be avoided if you know the counter curse."

"Wow...friendly!" Andrew frowned trying to prop Andy's head up.

"Drew, what are _you_ doing!"

"What does it bloody look like? I'm trying to do what all good boyfriends do...prop their girlfriends head up when she gets a dose of evil sleeping powder! Duh!" Andrew said, continuing with the proping upperering.

"Yea...Like that happens everyday!" Barry said rolling his eyes.

"You'd be surprised..."

"Of course I would..."

"Shut up! This arguement is pointless, guys! So get your asses into gear and we shall proceed to the next room!"

Barry and Andrew exchanged looks,

"Bossy..." they muttered.

They stood up and began to follow Mione,

"Sorry, Am! We'll be back later! - If we're not dead and all..."

**There's another chappie! Pickles to the reviewers! I luv you all! (If there's any left...you may be all scared off by now...) If you want to know a little more about your favourite characters in this story, go to my shared account "Ambo and Lemo" look us up, won't take you long - besides you get to read bout your fave characters! anyway...**

**tata!**

**Andy**

_Lemo too!_

**Damn her and her driving eyeballs...braking into my house...invading MY bloody fanfic! Any way...**

**review**

**and **

_eat pickles!_

**Oi! Bugger off!**

**bi! **


	29. A Spot of Chess

**Chapter twenty-nine: A Spot of Chess**

"Shit, I hope this room is better than the last..." Andrew said shakily.

"Oh, yes of course Drew! the next room will be full of bunnies, butterflies-"

"BUTTERFLIES!"

"Uh...not butterflies...lambs and pretty country girls in dresses and they'll invite to their tea-parties!" Mione said sarcastically.

"I don't like tea..." Andrew mumbled.

"Lemo likes tea!" Barry said brightly.

"Who cares, let move on," Andrew said pushing the door open, suddenly a huge butterfly flew out, "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Andrew jumped into Barry's arms, unfortunately, Andrew and his tallness could not be supported by Barry and his slight weakness.

"Argh, what the hell are you doing Andrew!" Barry said, squashed.

"It's a- a- butterfly!"

"So...?"

"I hate them and their...bug-eyed hairiness!"

"You my friend...are an idiot, geroff me!"

The butterfly then turned into Professor McGonagall.

Andrew who was rising to feet said,

"What the hell! Professor McGonagall I thought you were more into cats?"

McGonagall ignored Andrew, instead she spoke to Mione,

"Miss. Ranger, I believe you will have to be held back a year, you failed all your exams."

"What! No! No! No! No! No!" Mione yelled.

Then McGonagall was about to turn into something else when Mione began laughing, almost manically.

Andrew threw her a worried glance, so did McGonagall - it wasn't really a worried glance, it was more of a confused glance...

"Uh...Mione, what's funny?" Barry asked.

"C'mon guys! Laugh as well! Trust me on this!" Mione said, never pausing her laughing fit. Doing as they were told, the boys began laughing too. McGonagall looked from Andrew, to Barry, to Mione with an extreme look of confusion upon it's face, then with a small pop it dissapeared.

"What the fuck was that?" Andrew asked.

"I have no idea, but I thought, if it's main focus was to scare us, then we should do the opposite. And that to me was laugh!"

Barry and Andrew looked at her blankly, then exchanged glances, then nodded.

"You didn't understand any of that did you?"

The boys shook their heads.

Mione sighed,

"Oh well, never mind..." She then stepped through the door. Immediately, as if someone had hit the light switch, (and maybe they had, you just never know!) the room was flooded with light, revealing a huge chess board, with equally huge chess pieces.

"Shit. I hate chess," Barry stated.

"I'm crap at it too," Mione said.  
"Who said I was crap! I just said I hated it!" Barry said upset.

"I'm sorry! I-"

"Joking Mione, I _am_ crap!"

"Not funny!"

"Well guys, I guess we're lucky I'm not a bad chess player - 'cause I'm guessing we'll have to play our way across..." Andrew said pointing towards the door behind the white pieces.

"Well, I guess your right...What shall we be Drew? Dirrect us to our doom!" Barry said tipping his imaginary hat to Andrew. Andrew rolled his eyes, and thought,

"Barry, you be a bishop, and Mione you be a castle next to him, as for me I shall be a knight!"

"Why a knight?"

"Well...knights are cool!"

Barry and Mione swapped nervous glances.

"Don't worry guys! I grew up with chess! We'll win, no problem! Now white moves first..."

A white prawn moved first,

"And then we play..." Barry said dramatically.

"Well. Nuh-duh!"

Andrew continued to dirrect the pieces around the board, occasionly the white pieces would thrash the hell out of their pieces, but Andrew usually made sure he got them back, (sometimes verbally and physically...)

"Hmm..." Andrew said stroking his chin, being only fourteen, he only had the _slightest_ stuble - hardly worth counting, but he was proud of it all the same..."Of course!" he muttered, "I've got to be taken."

"Fuck no!" Barry and Mione exclaimed.

"Drew, as Andy's friend I say you can't do that! She'll kill me if she found out I let you get knock out by another chick!" Mione exclaimed jerking her head in the dirrection of the Queen.

"Sorry, guys, but it's the only way! It'll leave you, Barry free to check mate the King!"

"But-"

"No buts, I'm gona do it," Andrew said shakily, but determined all the same. Andrew stepped forward, the Queen eargerly threw herself at Andrew, then threw him off the board knocking the poor bugger out cold.

"Oh my god!" Mione cried, tears beginning to well up in her eyes, but she stayed in her place.

Barry moved three spaces to the left, not taking his eyes off Andrew - as a result he walked slightly crooked, but made it all the same.

"Check mate," he said firmly and loudly as though the King was hearing impaired. The king threw it crown at Barry's feet. Barry then began to dance - it was scary, the dance was so much like Lemo's.

"Lemo's habbits are really starting to rub off onto you!" Mione said laughing. Barry immediately stopped dancing,

"Are you saying my girlfriends weird? 'Cause she is...but you better not be being mean about it..."

Mione stood up from looking closely at Andrew,

"I think he'll be fine, a little scratched and unconcious - but other than that, he's all good. Lets go!" Mion said walking briskly to the next room.

In the next room there were two bottles and a piece of paper on a table. Mione reached the table and read the paper aloud:

_"There is a 50/50 chace you'll get poisened._

_.Have Fun._

She looked at it in dismay,

"No clues, nothing! That's so...mean!" she said as fire blew up in front of them, blocking the door to the next room.

"Well, it's easy enough, Snape's already drunk some of the left one. So obviously, since there's no dead Snape...that the good one, that'll let us through the fire," Barry said logically.

"Oh yea. But there's only enough for one mouthful..."

"Okay, here's the thing. You go back, don't worry about the others, leave them. Go find Don and Emo, see if they managed to get hold of Dumbledore, if they haven't go immediately to McGonagall. I think I might be able to hold Snape off for that long..." Barry said in a not so confident voice.

"Oh Barry! Your so - Shit I sound corny! I'll go find the old man, good luck!" she saluted him then turned and with a wooooooooooooosh of her bushy brown her she walked back out the door they had just came through. Taking a deep breath Barry drank the rest of the stuff, that will get him through the fire ahead. He then walked through, the flames licking (ew gross!) his body, but not burning he reached the door and puched it open, to find...

"You! What the fuck are _you_ doing here!"


	30. The Man with Two Faces and a Bad Smell

**Chapter thirty: The Man with Two Faces and a Bad Smell**

"Yes. Me," Quirrell said, he then began to laugh, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" From no where a voice came,

"Quirrell, stop immediately! I am the only one evil enough here to laugh manically!"

"S-sorry Master! Please I beg for you forgiveness!"

"Whatever...Barry Saucepan we meet again. Hello, Howz ya mum? Oh wait she dead, so...HA! I' AM THE LORD VOLDEMORT!" came the voice again.

"What? Quirrell? It...It can't be you! I thought Snape-"

"Yes, he does seem the type, doesn't he? Black hair, pale skin, no social life, head of Slytherin house and no care for personal hygiene. Next to him, who would suspect p-poor s-stuttering P-Professor Q-Quirrell?"

"But Snape tried to kill me!"

"No nicompoop! I tried to kill you and I would've suceeded too if Snape hadn't been muttered his little counter-cursey thingy! But it was all pointless," Quirrell sighed, "Because I shall kill you now..."

Barry's eyes widened,"But...what about the rock? Did you find it?"

"Course I found it boy! It's right here!" Quirrell said holding up a rather oddly shaped large red _thing_, "It wasn't particularily hard to find," Quirrell said pointing to the table in the center of the room, that had a huge sign hang above it saying:

_The Ugly Rock_

_Here_

_shine, shine_

"Oh..." Barry said reading the sign, which was decorated with poorly drawn lemons - I mean how hard are lemons to draw!

"So, back to the killing..." Quirrell lunged at Barry, as the other voice chanted "Kill him! Kill him!"

"Aww, fuck the worlds against me..."

But just as Quirrell lunged, a furry being flew (more correctly _jumped_) from a nearby air vent.

"What the fuck? Winston?"

Winston the weasel threw itself at Quirrell and attempted to bite Quirrell, Quirrell managed to fight Winston off easily and threw the poor weasel against the floor. In Barry's head he could almost hear Lemos cries of 'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo' and 'Die bastard!'. Quirrell lunged again, but not before checking for any more crazy animals, jumping out of vents...Quirrells hand grabbed Barry's neck as he tried to strangle Barry. But quickly he pulled his hands away,

"Master, my hands! Their burning!"

Already Quirrells hand were burnt red and shiny and were beginning to peel. Relising Quirrell couldn't touch him, Barry planted his hands firmly on Quirrells face, while he tried to grab the stone back with his mouth. A rather odd sight that would be...Anyway, Quirrells face began to burn and crumble beneath Barry's hands. Voldie's screams still continued to echo through out the room as Quirrell was dying and crumbling. Soon Quirrell died (as we all know) and fell to the floor, Voldie escaped the body. Barry took the large odd shaped red rock and passed out...


	31. Dumbledore Explains All

**Chapter thirty-one: Dumbledore Explains All**

"Miss. Roberts, shouldn't you be at your boyfriends side?" Barry woke to Madam Pomfrey talking to Lemo.

"No! Madam Pomfrey! As a parent I must stay at Winston's side!"

"But-"

"No!"

"Barry-"

"No!"

"Nice to know I'm loved," Barry grunted.

"Winston? You speak!" Lemo said placing her ear next to Winstons mouth, which open and bite her ear, "Damn you bastard!" she screamed. She looked over at Barry's bed,

"Oh! Barry your awake! Have a nice nap? Winston spoke!"

"Why don't you love me!" Barry said pretending to be upset.

"I do love you! - just I love Winston more...even if he does bite me!"

Barry sighed, there was no competing with ugly ball of fluff...

"Mr. Saucepan! The principal wishes to see you now! Miss. Roberts please leave..."

Lemo sighed,

"But my boy just woke up!"

"Out," Madam Pomfrey said sternly as Dumbledore walked in.

"Okay," Lemo said reluctantly, as she hopped off Winstons bed and walked out.

"Hello Barry."

"Sup Professor," Barry replied.

"I would like to inform you, I'm extremly proud of you. Also I would like to answer any questions you may have..." Dumbledore said as he sat down on the stool next to Barry.

"Professor, what happened?"

"Well lets see...When I realised I wasn't needed at the ministry, I rushed back here and then I met Mr. Weasel and Miss. Parker in the Entrance Hall. They informed me of what you and others had gone to do. Of course I went straight to the Third Floor, where on the way there I ran into a rather distraught Miss. Ranger, who told me a similar story to Weasel and Parker. I continued on my way to the third floor, where I found an extremely hoarse Miss. Roberts asleep and _cuddling_ Fluffy, she had really bonded with the beast - it's quite amazing! She's taught it to sit and roll over and-"

"Sir...? As you were saying?"

"Oh yes! After I sent Roberts; up to the hospital wing for her throat, I proceeded down the trap door. Firstly I found the sleeping Miss. Rose, guessed immediately what must have happened and sent her up to the hospital wing, on a bewitched streatcher - she's still got another hour, twenty minutes and fifty-nine seconds to go until she wakes, by the way...Then I found the unconscious Mr. Watson - I'm assuming he sacrificed himself to win the game?" Dumbledore asked, as he helped himself to an Every Flavor Bean.

"Yes, Sir."

"Sign of a good chess player!" Dumbledore said wisely, "Aww, gross! What the fuck is this flavour!" he said spitting the bean out into his hand, he then regained his class and continued, "And then I found you...thought I had come to late. Fortunately I hadn't..."

"Ummm...Okay, Professor, one thing that puzzles me is; you and the teachers did all that important guarding and stuff and then you have this huge sign that points to the rock! It kind of makes the whole guarding thing self defeating does it not?"

Dumbledore chuckled to himself.

"You didn't really think that was the rock did you Barry?"

"Huh? Where is it then?"

"You have it," Dumbledore said helping himself to a chocolate frog.

"What? I do?"

"Course you do, before Christmas, Miss. Roberts came to me asking if I knew any suppliers of Smuggleypoos. I told I did and organised them for her - not before making my own creation that would turn back into the rock. Unfortunately I think - Oh bugger..." Dumbledore said mournfully as his chocolate frog juped away, "I really seem to have a terrible time with sweets...Thats why i prefer the muggle classics: Lemon Drops. Mmmmmm...Lemon Drops..." Dumbledore began to day dream about his large stash of Lemon Drops in his office.

"Sir? The rock?"

"What about it? Oh yes, you have it, it's in the bottom of your trunk I'm presuming..."

"But sir...why?"

"Isn't obvious? I was to lazy to come up with something more complicated and wise! So I thought to myself 'Dumbley Dore, keep it simple stupid this time...they'll never suspect!' and they didn't!"

Barry smiled,

"Professor, your so wise and yet so..."

"Mmmmmm...Lemon Drops!"

"Nuts," Barry finished.

"No, Barry, _Lemon Drops_!"

"Sir, I'm saying you're nuts..."

"Dounuts are the enemy of Lemon Drops, Barry remember that when times are dark..."

"Why Professor?"

"Shh, I dreaming..."


	32. Saying Good Bye

**Chapter thirty-two: Saying Good-Bye**

"Bye, Fluffy! You be a good four headed mongrel!" Lemo cried tearfully as one of Fluffy's heads licked her face, "Say bye to Uncles Andrew, Don and Barry and bye to Aunty Andy!" she continued to sob, they were the only ones brave enough to show up, to give Lemo some 'Emotional support'.

"C'mon, Lemo we got to go catch the train now...before it leaves..." Barry said driving her away.

"Roll over, one more time for Aunty Lemo!" Lemo cried to Fluffy, "Roll over!"

Andrew, Andy, Don and Barry all grabbed onto the doorframe to keep steady as the whole room shook as the not-so-light--dog rolled over.

"Good girl! Good girl!" Lemo cried again, patting each head, the tail banging loudly on the wooden floor, "Aunty Lemo shall miss you! Bye!"

Barry dragged her out of the room, tears were streaming down her face,

"She...was...the...best...four...headed...dog...I...have...ever...met!" Lemo cried, hiccuping.

"Lemo wasn't she the-" Andrew began, but Lemo interrupted.

"No! My aunty's dog was a right bitch! Fluffy was so kind hearted and she was _soft_!"

"Shit! Guys, time!" Andy cried, looking at her watch, the train was due to leave any second now.

"Fuck..." Andrew said, as they all began sprinting. Andrew and Andy left the other for dust, their long legs carrying them a lot quicker than the others.

"Hey, guys! Wait up!"

"Wow...I can't believe it a whole year! Gone! Wow! We never even knew each other before this year and hell! Look at us now!" Emo said, shoving a chocolate frog in her mouth.

"Hey! Lemo and I did!" Andy argued.

"Yea! We're more...bonded than you guys!" Lemo agreed, poking her tongue out. Lemo waffling in the backround, most likely Ancient Greek or Chinese...

Most of the group rolled their eyes, but Barry thought _it would be surpriseningly quiet if Lemo and Andy weren't there...and kind of boring...Right now for instance usually this compartment would've be very crowded, but with Andy and Lemo levitating above them, it made things a lot- Hey!_

"Guys...Where's Mione and Nick!" Barry pointed out.

"Gone to have-" Andrew began, but Andy gave him a look from above, "I don't know..."

Just then as though they had heard them (and maybe they did) they walked in, with Winston.

"Look what we found!" Mione said, holding up the weasel.

"WINSTON! Baby! Where did you get to buddy?" While Lemo cooed over Winston, everyone eyed Barry suspiciously - he _always_ did seem to be around when Winston goes missing...

**Well that's the end of the Story! If you liked, then leave me a review! I'll write a sequel, (because it was so fun writing this one, hehe) SO LEAVE REVIEW AND CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORY IF YOU LIKED THIS ONE! Check out my accont thingy with all the stories: Rando Ambo. The story shall be called: Barry Saucepan and the Unnessary Sequel! You may see a sneak peek thingo on my other account which I share with Lmeo...This account goes by the name of Ambo and Lemo...There is also thingys about all the characters in this story! (well most of them dont a give a flying rats ass about Malfoy...) hehe tata pickles...hope you enjoyed...**

**Andy**


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